The edge of the weekend creeps ever closer. The clock on the wall ticks off the seconds, minutes, hours.
It won’t be long now.
It won’t be long, and I’ll doff my hoodie, throw my messenger bag over my shoulder and across my body, grab my keys and sunnies and begin the slow march toward the door.
Then out the door. Across the parking lot. To the car. And then the drive. I’ll pull into the driveway and leave the car idling for a few seconds, a minute, maybe five. Eyes kinda glazed over and staring at the house. With any luck, I won’t be crying.
I don’t want to go inside. Killing the engine and going into that house will open the gate I’ve firmly leaned against all week. Trying to keep myself sane enough to make it through work and tutoring.
But I’ll kill the engine, and that will kill a part of me. I’ll grab my bag, my hoodie, my keys. I’ll trudge up the porch and let myself into the house. I’ll lock the door behind me, carefully place my things on the chest in the living room. I’ll greet the kitties and make sure they’re fed and watered. No veggie patch tending today…the drought has finally broken, so it’s drizzling out.
I’ll crank the air down to arctic proportions. And then I’ll crawl into bed, work on finishing up FMAB this weekend, maybe. That, at least, would be better than laying huddled in the dark, allowing the darkness to take over again.
This is how I greet the weekend. And I am dreading it. This dread sits like an iron lead in my gut, but the closer the clock ticks to five, the more molten the iron ball gets. And it spreads and radiates through me until I can focus on nothing else.
I think I’m gonna be sick.
Truth?
LikeLiked by 1 person
Truth
LikeLike
Hi STEPHELLANEOUS, hang in there. Hope you are feeling better by now.
LikeLiked by 1 person
KLIP! Hi, and thank you. It’s nearly 5:00 now. Well, 4:12 to be precise…tick tock tick tock…
LikeLike
My first night shift , and I am constantly looking at the time ticking away ……
LikeLiked by 1 person
Trying to figure the time difference out ……….. in an hour it will be midnight over here
LikeLiked by 1 person
So I have that in 48 minutes, it’s 5 PM here. So you’re…seven hours ahead, it seems!
LikeLike
You are right, time is just flying so quickly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Is that good or bad for you tonight?
LikeLike
Anything can happen at any time……. , its not busy tonight, but enough to keep us on our toes.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I hope it ends up being a good night for you. 🙂
LikeLike
(Hugs)
LikeLiked by 2 people
Hugs…thank you
LikeLiked by 1 person
At least you can have some comfort in a thought that there is someone on the other side of the globe thinking of you , and hoping that your night is not just darkness………..
LikeLiked by 2 people
That is very kind of you to say. Thank you, truly.
LikeLiked by 1 person
You are not alone. I do the same routine, sometimes I sit in the car for half an hour. I wonder why everyone else seems to love Fridays and weekends, it’s the worst part of my week!
LikeLiked by 2 people
Thank you for sharing your struggles with me. It’s a comforting feeling to know you’re not the only one. But it pains me for you, too. I made it inside in ten minutes this time. Good thing, cuz my neighbor peeked out his window. Heh.
Thank you..and you aren’t alone, either.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you 🙂 10 minutes that’s pretty good. Haha I have no idea what my neighbours must think! I hope you have a good evening 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
You, too! And thank you so much!
LikeLiked by 1 person
On the contrary, it’s not always comforting to know you’re not the only one… Ask Sam Smith.
I hope that was bad enough to cheer you up Steph
LikeLiked by 1 person
Ohh, good one! You’re right, that would be no comfort at all.
Thank you… 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
Utter drag to find weekends so cumbersome. Would not be the case if I were there. Or you were here. Whichever.
Silence is the hardest sound to listen to. I’ve climbed walls when left alone. That is, in fact, my default: I go stir crazy all alone, yet I keep asking for it. Odd stuff. I think right now I might be quite pleased for two whole days alone. Then again, I ran myself yesterday until I almost fainted from a drop in my blood sugar, so being alone in this state isn’t the best idea.
Geez, Beeps, got a little ambivalence? Yep. It comes out when I’m alone. Mostly. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, precisely how I feel. I want to be alone. But..do I really? I do so much worse when alone. I retreat into the darkest corners and treat myself poorly. Being alone is the worst thing for me, yet here I am. You’re right…it wouldn’t be the case if we were alone together. We could raise some hell…heh. Thank you… 🙂
LikeLiked by 2 people
There seems a strange place in between the desire to be alone & the need to be with other people. Let’s meet up there sometimes. Hugs from NC. Xoxo
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think we just did, in a way. 🙂 Thank you for the hugs….hugs back at ya!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Indeed. Words are more powerful than I ever imagined. Be well friend.
LikeLiked by 1 person
No problem. Read that you were doing okay with cats and anime. Happy my comment helped.
Yes, alone together. That’s about right. My bro and I have that; he’s around making enough noise that I know I’m not alone but he’s not in my face all the time. It comforts me. Of course, if you and I were together, I THINK there’d be more hell raising than if we were alone…a combustible combination. Do you ever take vacation? Ever think about a trip to the Netherlands? 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I love vacations. I wish I could have a permanent vacation! I’ve only been abroad once – and it wasn’t to the Netherlands. New place to add to my list! 🙂
LikeLiked by 1 person
🙂 Well, let me know!
LikeLiked by 1 person
Damnit, I forgot Netherlands on my list of places to travel to!
LikeLiked by 1 person
lol! NL is the sly holiday…You don’t tell people you’re coming here ahead of time; they’ll give you the LOOK. Just come, stay, and when you go back tell them the cheese was great. ;-D
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hahaha! Yeah, “oh you mean for the coffeehouses in Amsterdam?” Cue eye roll. I would probably struggle to keep the truth in: Who needs a coffeehouse across the pond for that? 😉 But the cheese, now. That’s another matter!
LikeLiked by 1 person
BWAHAHA! I knew it! Oh, you MUST come for a visit now! ;-D
LikeLiked by 1 person
Hehehe. Seriously. People wonder why I’m fat. I don’t really eat that much – at least not compared to the average American. But Mary Jane and cheese (and all sorts of goodies) get along so well! 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Spaceghost quote: Cheese. That’ll block you up.
You must come, must come, must come! What a time we’ll have. The place is teensy tiny but for YOU, doll, we’ll get a mattress to throw on the floor and DEAL. Besides, if we party all night (and I hope we party all night) we’ll want a hostel room anyway. Transport stops running to my house by midnight. Not when YOU’RE here. Uh-huh. 😉 Get a place to crash and get crazy. I’m ready.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Spaceghost, coast to coast!
Yay! My very first invite to The Netherlands! Careful, I might be insane. Like steal your cheese, pee on your carpet insane. I did, after all, post a reference to Gene Simmons last night. And he’s a fucktard extraordinaire. That doesn’t bode well for my character.
Party party. I haven’t partied in years. Hang on. I’m booking a flight. 😀
Oh god I’m scatterbrained this morning. Look what you’ve done.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh man! Okay, I KNOW Gene Simmons is a fuck wad. He became a fuck wad when the make-up came off. As far as I’M concerned, if you post a pic with him in full KISS make-up you refer to the COOL Gene Simmons of long, long ago. And my brother’s a KISS fan. So, you may pass!
Steal my cheese; there’s plenty. I don’t have carpets; fake hardwood floors so it’s an easy clean-up. And you never really forget HOW to party, you just become a lightweight. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Haha, yay! I passed the KISS test. That sounds so weird. Just go with it.
And I must confess I’m a total fucking lightweight now. Like, two shots and I stumble to the bathroom to pee every two point five minutes. God, half a j sends me to Saturn (those rings, man).
Dude. That totally sounds like fun! 😀
LikeLiked by 1 person
I’m a lightweight too, at least in drinking. And once I get on meds, I may – MAY become a lighter smoker. It would sure help with cash flow.
😀 It DOES sound like fun. Let the thought simmer. Sometimes when you do that, the thought becomes possible.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Mm, too right. I let fear get in my way so so much. I can give you 200 thousand reasons why I could never do it, but it all really boils down to one: fear. Sick of being ruled by fear…so I’ll let it simmer. 😉
LikeLiked by 1 person
Oh, and Spaceghost ROCKS!
LikeLiked by 1 person
I would like to have some “alone” time, then realising that even when being surrounded by all the people at work and home , you can still be very alone.( I hope I am making sense)
LikeLiked by 1 person
Yes, that is quite true. It’s often in the company of others that I feel most alone…particularly if the others are bonded in some way. You make sense..
LikeLike
sounds like you need to go out and get some air….sign up for a class, get out of the rut of the weekend…do something different….out of your norm…I know you an do it…try it…even if its just waking around the busy mall….or sitting outside a park….kat
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thank you, Kat. You’re right…I know it would help me. I did look into local book clubs not too long ago…I only found one and it was very very niche. Maybe I can find something else, or, like you said – just hit up a park. 🙂
LikeLike