Your mom goes to college.

This bitch just had the nerve to insult my hair. It was all up in my face. And I hate when my hair is all up in my face. But rather than cut it all off, I usually just put it in a clip or ponytail. Lacking both of those implements today, I twisted my hair into a bun. And it’s being held in place by a Mirado Black Warrior pencil. (Seriously. Those are the best pencils on earth. At least of the No. 2 variety.)

So she’s all…*points and laughs* you have a pencil in your hair. (No shit, Sherlock. And what are we, fucking EIGHT?)

So then I was all…

So then she was all…*huff* What? *eye roll* (Please bitch. Roll it harder. Roll it so hard you go blind. I’m begging you.)

But then I was all…

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Because I knew I’d just slain her with my epic wit. Does it matter whether or not she understood? Not really. Because she knew she was beaten. You could see it in her eyes. I bet that’s the last look in a gazelle’s eyes as the cheetah’s teeth penetrate its throat.

No wonder you looked so smug, Kip. You knew what pure gold that line was. Thank you. We all thank you.

37 thoughts on “Your mom goes to college.”

      1. 46!? A 46 year old made fun of your hair? Oy! Well, I’m sorry. My hair can be kind of ridiculous at times, so I know what it’s like. I actually had this friend once tell me I didn’t straighten my hair well enough. Like, “my hair is hard to straighten, I do the best I can!” Oh, brother.

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      2. Thank you! She didn’t really upset me. She’s not a nice person – she’s one of those who actively seeks ways to tear other people down. Sometimes she really gets to me…in a big way. But the attack on my hair was weak. She must be having a worse day than usual. 😉

        And what the hell, man. I used to try to straighten my hair – still do when I feel like burning a whole hour on it – but it’s so freakin’ curly it’s hard to get it truly straight. Hmph. That butthead.

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      3. Yeah. I still straighten it too but only when I really want it to look nice. It does take forever and it gets really warm, so yeah. I’m sorry you had to go through that, I know some people that always put people down too. It can be hard. Stay strong!

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    1. I think we should gather all of these colleagues together, put them on a bus to the middle of the desert. Any desert will do. Plenty of water. But completely strand them. I think the problem would sort itself out in short order! Survival of the bitchiest! We could do that with a few busloads, and then host fights to the death. We could sell tickets and send the proceeds to charity. For nice people.

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      2. Well, the way I figure it is we need to keep them alive as long as possible…so that we could later profit off of their deaths and donate the proceeds to charity. Yeah. This could work. Kickstarter, here I come.

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      1. It wasn’t as bad as it sounds – it was more like mother criticism (my mum would have said the same). Ironically, immediately after that a customer, drooled over my Celtic accent, blonde hair and asked me to marry him!!!:)

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      4. I blushed furiously, giggled, thought he was out of earshot, and hissed to my friend “See! That guy just proposed and he was gorgeous”. I turned round and he was right behind me. I ran off to the restroom and he followed me. Would you believe I am 55 and not 16???

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Lay it on me!