The Selfish Blog Post

I’ve started this post no fewer than five times now. And I keep highlighting all of the text and pressing delete. I should take that as a sign that I shouldn’t post anything today.

I don’t feel well. I mean, I’m seriously beaten down right now, y’all. And I can’t find the words to adequately express what I’m going through. I keep trying, but it’s not connecting. It doesn’t resonate. Suffice it to say I’m incredibly sad and hurt. And I feel like an abused puppy. You know that saying about kicking someone when they’re down? That’s how I feel right now. And, though it’s hard for me to give myself enough credit to say that those feelings are valid, they really are. I have every reason and right to feel the way I’m feeling right now. Except, the darkest of the thoughts are dangerous. So I need help.

Yesterday, I cried all fucking day. Well. Off and on. And your stories and posts and laughs and sweet words pulled me through. And one person in particular helped me so so much. I feel indebted to you especially, and to all of you for being awesome.

So. I’m going to be selfish right now. I need a favor. I don’t want pity – please, I mean that sincerely. I don’t want to be told to chin up; tomorrow’s a new day; it could always be worse; blah fucking blah. You know?

I want your best jokes. Even if they’re the superlame ones – those are my favorites. Like this one:

A skeleton walks into a bar.
He orders a beer.
And a mop.

Y’all, that cracks me up like you would not believe. So hit me me, please, with your jokes and puns. Ohh, I really love puns!

Oo, oo, or you could link to funny blog posts! Yours or someone else’s. Yeah, yeah. We could exploit this as an opportunity for self-promotion.

Yes, I am shamelessly and selfishly asking you to make me smile. To remind me, again, that there is good in the world.

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167 thoughts on “The Selfish Blog Post”

  2. I am reminded of a true story. There were two good friends who lived in different cities. One of them suffered an abscess in a most unfortunate place, his anal passage.

    His friend felt he had to say something, but what. Eventually he sent him the following message:

    ‘Abscess makes the fart seem longer’

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  5. Is it to late for a long joke?

    This man with very smelly feet met a women online who had very bad breathe. After chatting online for several weeks they decided to meet at a bar for lunch one Saturday for a first date.

    Saturday rolls around and the man gets up early and starts washing his feet, spraying them and putting on two pairs of clean socks. The women gets up early and brushes her teeth, uses a whole bottle of mouth wash and doesn’t eat anything all morning.

    They meet and hit it off and decide to go to a hotel. The man excuses himself and goes to the bathroom, takes his socks off and scrubs his feet and jumps in bed. The women excuses herself and goes to the bathroom, brushes her teeth and drinks a bottle of mouth wash and jumps in bed. She leans over to him and says “I have something I need to tell you” he says “You don’t have to tell me, I already know, you ate my socks.”

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Lay it on me!