A Stephellaneous Vocabulary (AKA Stephanie Makes Up Filthy Cursewords for Funsies)

One of my favorite literary devices is portmanteau – you know, blending two or more words together to make a brand new word. I love ’em. Especially filthy ones. Filthmanteu. Cursemanteau. Oh yeah. This is gonna be good delightfully inappropriate. (By “inappropriate,” I mean “awesome.” And by “awesome,” I mean “don’t say any of this shit in front of a nun.”)

The crux of it is that I like to make up words. And I especially like to make up swearwords. So gather round, Peopleaneous. It’s time for a vocab lesson. I think we should call it:

STEPHONICS

Let’s take these tasty little morsels in alphabetical order, shall we? (They’re definitely not gonna be tasty. And some of them will be downright nasty.)

advisory
Look, y’all! It’s my new forehead tattoo!

Assknuckle – an idiot. (Not to be confused with “assknuckler.” That’s something entirely different, dear ones.)

That assknuckle spilled coffee on my keyboard!

Bitchknacker – someone with the knack for being a bitch.

I can’t believe that bitchknacker took a nap while I was doing his work!

Buttermilk bitchcuits – a pair of bitches, in need of cutting. (I just made that up. Just now. You’re witnessing greatness in action, my friends.)

Those buttermilk bitchcuits have fucked me over for the last time!

Cockgoblin – an inconsiderate prick. Also, someone who gobbles cocks.

Someone took the last cookie! What a fucking cockgoblin!

Crackmuncher – someone you’re simply annoyed with.

Grandma, you crackmuncher! You burnt the cookies!

Facehole – a more satisfying word for mouth.

No spoilers! I will punch you in the facehole!

Fucknugget – a sex toy. Kidding, ew. That’s disgusting, and also I bet you’ll look at chicken nuggets askance now, won’t you? A fucknugget is an inconsiderate douchebag.

That little fucknugget broke my crayons!

Hodonkey – a person of ill repute. Or an unfortunate situation.

That hodonkey gave him a lapdance while her husband was outside!
Or – I’m out of cookies; ain’t that a hodonkey?

Maggotbreath – someone with the breath of a thousand corpses.

*throws a mint* Hey, maggotbreath! Suck on that!

Punkernickel – a term of endearment.

Aw, look at that little punkernickel! Don’t you just wanna eat his face?

Slutface – a hodonkey.

Hey! My eyes are up here, slutface!

Soggy crack sniffer – an assknuckle.

I asked for cookies, not brownies! You soggy crack sniffer!

~

And sometimes, I ruin perfectly good words by forcing them to be insults. Like “mung bean.” Someone piss you off? You fuckin’ mung bean!

Try it.

How about “plate”? Oh my god, he’s such a dickplate!

Or “chair”? Can you believe what that chairhole said to me?

You can also mix-and-match. How about that son of a slutfaced crackmuncher!

~

I realize that most of these are more like filthy compound words and not technically portmanteau. But this is my blog, damnit! I can be wrong, and it’s still right!

Lesson learned, doucheflap.

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153 thoughts on “A Stephellaneous Vocabulary (AKA Stephanie Makes Up Filthy Cursewords for Funsies)

  1. One thought on dickplate. Where I grew up, especially during the early 90’s, there were a lot of wanna-be cowboys. (Thank you Garth Brooks.) Anyway, the ones with the real big belt buckles? They called it a dick plate. We called it something to distract people from their lack of having one, but tomato, tomato.

    Liked by 3 people

  2. Omg this is awesome. This is exactly one of the posts in my to do lists. Combining swear words with body parts and or inanimate objects. Love it. Ass basket, fuck face, the list went on but you’ve covered it. I also had fuck nugget and fuck knuckle. Love. It

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Yes! I had coworkers in mind for most of those…but I also let fly with things like that when I game. Hehe…

      But they’re totally versatile. You could do a flowchart of the department’s quarterly bitchvenue. If it’s anything like where I work, I bet there’s a surplus!

      Liked by 2 people

  3. This is what is better known as an infotainment post. It truly was informational entertainment. I learned something…and I laughed my ass off. I’ll learn yet not to read your posts while eating…it’s a good thing I finished chewing. I would have either spit out the food…or choked to death.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Hahaha! That would have been a hodonkey, indeed. (See, totally versatile word.) I can’t have you dying – then I’d have to be one of those blogs who do trigger warnings.

      Trigger Warning – Will cause death if reading with your mouth full. (I’ll leave it up to interpretation what their mouths are full of. If they’re cockgoblins, we already know.)

      Thank you… πŸ™‚

      Liked by 2 people

  4. You are awesome ! You gave me a good laugh πŸ™‚
    And I learned too πŸ˜‰ when I read portmanteau I thought “porte-manteau” in French and thought what?? so looked it up and learned about it , but then I came back for your awesomeness πŸ™‚ Loved this and might use some of them fresh tomorrow morning with breakfast πŸ˜‰
    Turtle Hugs

    Liked by 3 people

  5. “The principal and counselor both insisted that the kid be put in a Special Ed class, but the mom refuses to let her special snowflake be separated from the normal kids. Doesn’t care that he can’t function in a normal classroom and is hindering the education of his classmates.”
    “What did her husband have to say?”
    “Nothing. Whatever wifey wants, wifey gets. He’s a total bottlecock.”

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Stephanie, I see you’ve exposed my hobby for all to see. I’m a painter so I combine the unique chromatic values of paint with ordinary swear words. Plus I’m from Jamaica, where we have very cool ones. And I know a lot of French swear words. One spirited string will go for a full minute, with 98% adjectives and no verbs. (I hate driving in rush hour).

    Liked by 1 person

      1. (I’m blushing.) Most people prefer not to drive in my car because of my florid language. I have a seriously potty mouth. I’d have to be in a rotten mood to let fly but I will try to note some down for you. Have a great day, Steph. xo

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I have one for you. (They have to pop into my head.) “Fuckapolitan Parks and dutty bomboraaasting claat Markets.” The trick is to say it one exhale in an unbroken string. They are unrehearsed, like your creations. Looking forward to more delightful reading for your blog. πŸ’•πŸ’™πŸ’‹πŸ’žπŸ’–β€οΈπŸ’“

        Liked by 1 person

  7. So,e most excellent work there Steph.
    I applaud you.
    I recently learnt some quality ones and have a “kind of ” manteau but before I start, I have always LOVED Fucktard and Abso-Fucking-Lutely.
    The two new ones are Hoofwanking and Bunglecunt.
    Said together “You Hoofwanking Bunglecunt” it is the epitome of both swearing, criticism and cool….. πŸ˜‰

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Thank you! I had a bit too much fun with it. πŸ˜€

      I love love fucktard and absofuckinglutely, too! BUT YOUR NEW ONES OHMYGOSH, CAMERON!

      Hoofwanking Bunglecunt! I’M GOING TO DIE OF LAUGHTER RIGHT NOW! πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€ πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Reblogged this on Steve Says… and commented:
    I had to reblog this after reading it last night. I’ve pretty much only just stopped laughing…I do actually have a draft post very, very similar to this too which I will share in the future too – enjoy and thanks Steph!

    Liked by 1 person

  9. “I’m out of cookies, ain’t that a hodonkey”! A million yesses!!!!! I especially liked chairhole. Ain’t nothing more mean that being referred to as a common household object!! You’re brilliant, dear one! I’m still laughing!!!!!!!

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Haha, I was being creative…drunk on portmanteau spirit. ‘Maudit cul’ means ‘sorry ass’….I added ‘de sac’ because the phrase ‘cul de sac’ has always amused me. (You live in a what? The ass of a bag?!) Can’t believe the phrase is also ‘officially’ used to refer to the rectouterine pouch. Tabarnak, how’d they manage to put a winter coat on that!

        Liked by 1 person

      2. Merci pour ta rΓ©ponse rapide Γ  mon email! πŸ™‚ I just saw it as I was about to write this comment. Wishing you a happy and healthy 2016 with lots of love, laughter, and new curse words! So grateful for our friendship. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      3. Yay! I wish the same for you: health and happiness, love and laughter, and more cursing and funtimes! And in the bad times, which we know will come, I wish you patience and strength. To a happy new year!

        I’m grateful for you, too. πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

      4. Patience and strength to you too as you continue searching for an understanding, compassionate therapist and the right meds to help you. I can’t believe I’ve known you for barely two months! You sure have grown on me (eeewww….that sounds dΓ©gueulasse ;-))

        Liked by 1 person

  10. I am going to use cockgoblin all the time plus bitchknacker. I am not sure this translates into US English but how about knickersniffer? Pantiesniffer doesn’t have the same ring. I also love the idea of adding on innocent veggies. Fucking brussel sprout or Puta Jicama if you want to be bilingual (is that a swear word)?

    Liked by 2 people

  11. ‘Grandma, you crackmuncher!’ Okay, so… I’m a few days late to the party. But, I love you. I don’t think I’ve ever laughed so hard at a post before. You are a genius haha. My favorite was ‘buttermilk bitchcuits’ – two bitches that need to be cut. Amazing.

    Liked by 1 person

  12. We have a two year old son, so my husband and I are finding ourselves having to learn some new words. By which I mean, make up new words. I am REALLY BAD at it. I just continue to say “Motherfucker!” and “Douchefucker!” and “Fuckingfucker!” (very creative, I am) and basically I am a bad parent because I’m meant to be trying not to say those words.

    But my husband tries, because he is a good parent.

    One day our son was lying to us. And my husband got angry with him and poked him in the leg and called him out – “Bullfluff!”

    Anyway, our darling child thought that was HILARIOUS and now he loves to smack people in the leg and yell “Bullfluff” at them. He thinks it’s a game. Sometimes, because he is generally a polite little boy, he asks first: “Can I hit you and play Bullfluff?”

    Can I just say … people are often confused when they come to visit us. We feign innocence. “What? We have no idea what he’s talking about …”

    Lucky for me, he hasn’t decided to play Douchefucker yet.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hahaha! I love that you got yourself banned by finding their loopholes!

      I’ll have to look up munging on my personal computer once I’m home. I don’t wanna get busted with something freaknasty on the work computer. πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  13. I love the new words. Being around my nieces and nephews a lot over the holidays I had to edit some normal curses with the word ‘food’. Motherfooder just seemed a lot saner and PG friendly. I am going through your list again to get my curse words back to where they belong!:-)

    Liked by 1 person

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