In need of a fun diversion, I look to my tiny little list of blog topic ideas. One of the newest entries is “My 5 Fucks.” A recent conversation about spank banks, followed by me laughing and rolling my eyes, ended in the question posed to me, you know the age-old one:
Who’s the #1 celebrity you’d like to fuck?
I balked at this, because I’m a good girl. And I replied,
Only one?! I have to choose ONE?! Impossible.
So then I was allowed to name my top five. But good girls aren’t content with odd numbers. So let’s do a top ten, shall we?
Disclaimer: It seriously took me seven fucking forevers to come up with anyone. I imagine scenarios with strangers, not celebrities. There’s your little naughty tidbit. I wouldn’t actually fuck any of these guys even if they threw themselves at me, unless, of course, we were in a loving a committed relationship. Then I’d fuck them to death. TO DEATH.
Top Ten Celebrity Crushfucks
In no particular order, I present to you a Stephellaneous Spank Bank (only Stephanie has never actually spanked to any of them – I’m making this less fun aren’t I? Shut up.):
Crushfuck #1: Ralph Fiennes
I’ve had a crush on this dude since I was a kid. Seriously. This is one on the list I might actually fuck, if only he weren’t into older women. This motherfucker ages like a fine wine. And the accent. Ah, you’ll see several accented motherfuckers on this list. Moving on.
Crushfuck #2: Jason Momoa
It’s a bit early yet, but I may need to change. Ahem. On to the third candidate.
Crushfuck #3: Colin Farrell
I like my Colin like I like my dreams. Dirty. Dirty as fuck. Also arguably the hottest accent on the list. Seriously, y’all can have the clean shaven good boy look, though he does look hot in his specs. Let’s see. Ahem. Who’s next?
Crushfuck #4: Don Cheadle
One of the many on the list who is hot and known for his intellect. Just look at him. Grr.
Crushfuck #5: José Pedro Balmaceda Pascal
Oh, Oberyn Martell. Come and show me why they really called you the viper.
Crushfuck #6: Tyson Beckford
Uhm. Hold on. I need a moment. Oh! Oh yeah. I actually had Usher in this spot, but Tyson is hotter and would probably be far less likely to give me the herpes. Plus I’m starting to think I do have a think for tats.
Crushfuck #7: Omar Borkan Al Gala
This motherfucker right here is so yummy that he got kicked out of a cultural festival in Saudi Arabia, because the religious leaders feared his handsomeness would overwhelm susceptible females. That’s right. He’s from Dubai. I wonder what Dubai is like this time of year…
Crushfuck #8: Michael Fassbender
Well hello there, Michael. I’m Stephanie. Can I interest you in breakfast? I mean a nightcap?
Crushfuck #9: Lee Byung-hun
Heh….llo….there…
Crushfuck #10: John Oliver
Hilarious. Whip smart. Geeky. Cute as fuck.
~
I need a cigarette and a cold shower. Okay, not really. These guys are hot and all. But I tend to think of people who are more real to my life.
You know who you are. And thank you..for not abandoning me..even though I can’t have you. When so many abandon, so easily breaking promises, it touches my soul that you’re still here for me.
Boom. Like a pro, Stephanie turned a fun fucking post about fun fucking into something sappy and mushy!
Enjoy the eye candy, folks. Anyone you think I missed and should be spanked for failing to include?
Were you filling a racial quota? No offense or anything… 😉
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Hahaha nope…these dudes are officially on my list. I could go on, but I was getting carried away. 😉
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John Oliver? You like the geeky type?
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Yes yes yes uhuh uhuh uhuh! Wil Wheaton!!! Oh my gosh I forgot Will Arnett! ARGH.
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Somebody’s gotta hose you down, girl!
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…hehehehehe that’s the idea 😉
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ha ha
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Attention all bloggers: Stephanie is an equal opportunity fucker. ;-P
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HAHAHAHA!
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A public service announcement 😀
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Actually fell asleep at my lappy, woman. The little dingies woke me up. From alerts, not…you know! ARGH. Brain is melting down.
I’m going to sleep and dream about daisies and rainbows and…vipers.
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Dingies?! Oh la la!
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😀
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Va te coucher tout de suite! 😀
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Hahaha! Oui oui!
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Bonne nuit, mon amie. ♥♥
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Bonne nuit a toi! ❤
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Yeeeesssssss to Ralph Fiennes – everyone knows my love for that sexy sexy man!
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YES! I knew it wasn’t just me!!! I got some serious confusion when I named that one before!
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No way man! I would throw every single one of my life’s dreams and morals out the window for him. He is hands down the top of my list!
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Maybe with the two of us cornering him, we could just take turns with him. Maybe our combined ages would be old enough for him! 😀
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Well I heard that he does like youngerish women. Read an article of him getting kicked out of a hotel pool with 3 naked ladies….tsk tsk Ralph
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HAHAHA! At least he’s moved on from the older ladies. Let’s get him!
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Hehe agreed!! But can we make him shave the beard? Sometimes I see it on him and I’m like “dude can you please stop getting hotter!?” and then other times I’m like “no…no no no – go back in the house and shave”
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Hahahaha wait wait, big fan of facial hair here. It’s sexy and serves ummm purposes. Beard then shave!
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Haha okies 😛
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Holy Omar! That’s one good looking dude. My oh my aging hormones are raging. Nice way to end my day. Thank you sweet Stephanie 😜
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Uhuh, I may have sweet dreams after all. 😂
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No shit!
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Martin Sensmeier, Chris Hemsworth, Taika Waititi. Sorry, odd number. 😦 Couldn’t find a forth!
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I could do without Chris, but the other two are yum!!
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Yeah. Chris was the token white dude. Kidding. I think he’s hot. His cheekbones are too scrumptious.
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Hahaha! Ahhhh he’s too blonde.
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Can I just say your taste in men is impeccable.
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Hehehe thank you!
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Well I was devastated to find that I didn’t make the top ten. But then I consoled myself with the observation that I wasn’t a celebrity. Plus I’m much too old and no way handsome enough.
Even so coming in at eleven is not too bad.
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You are officially #11. We’ll make you a crushfuck runner up plaque!
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You naughty girl….
I have to ask though why my man crush Idris Elba wasn’t on the list… Ooh la la…
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Nooooooooo because I can’t separate him from Stringer Bell! Evil!
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Ahhh, I get that but have you seen him in Luther…..? OMG. Man crush!!!
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I have not seen him in Luther! Pervert! 😉
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Well I suggest you try…. 🙂
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Yes sir!
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🙂
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My list is sooo similar. Not bad, Steph. Usher is one of my guys. I think it’s hilarious that people in these comments are talking about race. Why the shock? Fuckability does not discriminate!
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Hell naw it doesn’t! Usher is on my list, too. But then I thought herps so I switched for top ten! 😂
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Oh man. Idris Elba. Morris Chestnut. Jensen Ackles. Vin Diesel. Timothy Olyphant. Sooo many more, I’d better stop there 🙂
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Ooooo Morris and maybe Timothy, too. Why not! 😃
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John Oliver.
Well, I have an old post about how watching Kermit the Frog as a reporter led to my penchant for newsmen, but seriously, John Oliver.
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Yes!!!! I knew I wasn’t alone in this!!!
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Jay Ryan and Charlie Hunnam, especially with their accents. Love accents. Great collection of eye candy here. Only wish I read this last night to propogate some sweet dreams instead of this morning 😊😊
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Yes yes yes! They’re yummies too!!! I gotta wipe the drool from my desk.
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Just wandering … er, wondering … does inaccessibility increase attraction?
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Heh. I think it’s a common theme for many, yeah. I’d rather someone accessible, but this was just a fun little thing. 😉
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Fun was had, thanks!
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Keegan Allen and Shemar Moore. I’m pretty sure they’re too clean cut for this list but yummy nonetheless. (Funny thing, I accidentally typed lust instead of list the first time around…)
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Hahaha you’ve got me pegged! But I’d let Shemar Moore give it a shot, even though he’s too clean cut. 😂
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Oh God I absolutely LOVE this list. THANK YOU!! Can’t wait for some naughty dreams tonight!😘
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Hehehehe lotsa yummies!
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Our tastes are very similar – love Fassbender!
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DROOL
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Danny Dyer 🙂
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Hey, he’s cute. I can dig it!
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And funny 🙂
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Hmm, I need to do my homework. 😉
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He is on a lot of comedy shows in the UK
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