Bitchass Old Ladies: Yield for Oncoming Rant

I don’t often issue warnings, but this time I will: if you continue reading, you are going to run into flagrant ignorance – including, but not limited to, overt racism and use of racial epithets. This post will also be the closest I’ve come to making any sort of political commentary on this blog.

Stephellaneous House Roles in effect: As always, anyone is welcome to disagree with me at any time. I appreciate and welcome varying perspectives and challenges of opinions and ideas. But anything even approaching blatant racism or hatespeak will be blocked outright. None of the regular traffic here needs that kind of rule…but you never know who may stop by.


The Scene: One dimly lit makeshift office, roughly the shape and size of a small, narrow walk-in closet. One long built-in desk along the length of one wall, just enough room for two people, three computers, six monitors and a bigass printer. I’m on the end, far side from the door. Office supplies, plants, and gnomes to my left, bitchass old lady to my right near the door.

The Players: One Stephanie, One Bitchass Old Lady, One Slightly Less Bitchass Middle-aged Lady, Several Garden Gnomes of varying size, a tiny plastic alligator and a tiny white goat named Garry bearing witness. Let’s call Bitchass Old Lady “Archie Bunker.” You know, the bigoted and racist prick from that old TV show. Let’s call Middle-aged Lady “Edith,” who – while softer and sweeter – was like-minded enough with Archie to have married him.

Archie may be the first old lady I’ve ever fantasized about punching in the face. But Edith…I love Edith to pieces, but she’s still…Edith.

I’m angry and stalling. Here goes. Take no prisoners.


It’s mid-afternoon, and I’m sitting at my desk. I’m bored out of my skull, head pounding, and I’m alternating between staring at my bank of four monitors, replying to you awesome people here on WordPress and getting lost in Facebook hell (you know, looking up family and shit from your past, an exercise you know good and fucking well will only end in pain and tears).

Archie is to my right, snoring off and on and listening to Fox News broadcasts at full volume. She’s semi-deaf. Because ancient.

Edith comes in at the Witching Hour. That is to say, at 3:00 all the coffee hounds have a fresh batch. So she came in with her steaming mug of burnt office coffee and leans against the wall, ready for chitchat and scintillating conversation about how slowly time is moving, but TGIF.

First the Bunkers share the ubiquitous gossip about our resident pill-popper (the most notorious of them, anyway). (White guy. Everyone in the fucking building is white. It wouldn’t make me mad if I didn’t know for a fact that it’s intentional.)

They then moved on to another drug topic. Bear in mind, please, that none of this was said with any hint of irony.

Listen in as Archie tells Edith about one of her Fox News reports. When I heard the topic, I turned the music down (I had my earbuds in – my only armor against Bill O’Reilly and cohort).

Archie whispers conspiratorially, “Did you hear about that…that guy the troopers pulled over?

Edith laughs, “Which guy? Guys are pulled over all the time.”

Archie snorts, “Don’t make me hit you, sassy mouth. I mean that…hoodlum they pulled over with all that….that marijuana!

Stephanie stops the music but keeps the earbuds in, still facing her monitors.

Edith shakes her head, “No, but it doesn’t surprise me anymore.”

Archie: “Well, as you can imagine…it was a Mexican.

Stephanie pops her earbuds out, still facing her monitors.

Edith: “Still doesn’t surprise me.” (Note: One of Edith’s sons-in-law is Mexican.)

Archie: “47 pounds! He had 47 pounds of marijuana! He swears it was all his own personal marijuana, but I don’t believe him.”

Stephanie chimes in, still facing her monitors, “He’s trying to shake a distribution charge.”

Both sets of eyes look over, and Stephanie gives a sidelong glance back.

Archie: “Well of COURSE he intended to distribute it.”

Stephanie: “Was it broken down? Or was it in bricks?”

Archie: “Bricks? I’m talking about MARIJUANA, Stephanie!”

Edith looks at Archie’s computer monitor, “Looks like bricks to me.”

Stephanie: “Mhm. Then they can’t prove it’s for distribution. Smart guy; he’s angling for a lighter charge.”

Archie: “SMART GUY?? He’s a MEXICAN with MARIJUANA. I hope they lock him away for good.”

Stephanie: “I don’t see what his ethnicity has to do with it.”

Edith skirts, “After a day like this, I may want to find that guy and go smoke one with him!”

Archie: “Stop making jokes. This is serious! All these…these…WEEDHEADS and and PEDOPHELIA TYPE PEOPLE are RUINING America! These Mexicans and that Islam Nigger President!”

Stephanie: “You cannot compare pot use with rape and molestation of children. Nor do I see how ethnicity has anything to do with any of this….Oh. And pot should be legal.”

Archie clutches her chest and goes pale, “STEPHANIE! You CANNOT be serious. Race has everything to do with it. And that drug has ruined lives and killed people!”

Stephanie (who rarely says anything): “That’s what you’re supposed to believe. Your fear of a literal weed that was supposedly brought here by Mexicans and Natives allows for the existence a multi-billion dollar industry run by our government.”

Edith: “She’s joking, Archie. She’s just trying to get you going.”

Stephanie: “No I’m not.”

Edith glares, Archie looks on the verge of a heart attack and Stephanie pops her earbuds back in but leaves the music off.

Archie: “Anyway. Them..them weedheads and pedophilias [sic] are everywhere. I bet you couldn’t even find a place to live on the moon without having one for a neighbor. It’s not safe anywhere anymore.” If she had pearls on, she’d be clutching them.

Edith: “Sooo…have y’all heard about that movie about assisted suicide?”


If blatant, inexcusable ignorance is this rampant in the PNW, I don’t know what the fuck I’m going to do. But I’ll tell you one thing: I’ve had it with sitting quietly while the people I’m surrounded by speak in this manner and think they can get away with it because my skin is the same color as theirs. I will no longer lend tacit agreement with my silence. I’ve been the quiet one all my life, especially when it comes to my elders. And I’m fucking ashamed of it.

The whole “respect your elders, Southern Charm” bullshit has overstayed its welcome with me. Just because Archie is 74 doesn’t mean she’s earned the right to spew ignorance and hate as gospel. That “good little Christian woman” is anything but. I’m Fucking Over It.


53 thoughts on “Bitchass Old Ladies: Yield for Oncoming Rant

  1. Good for you for not keeping silent! It’s better up here in Canada…why don’t you come here? Mind you, we have our share of ignorant numbnuts, but they tend to be more subtle with their discriminatory remarks.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. You said all I needed to hear with “FoxNews”. And, I hate to tell ya this, but there are ignorant, ill-informed, and prejudiced people…everywhere, every city, and every country. By the way, fuck yes weed should be legal.

    Liked by 6 people

    1. I know; I know. There’s no escaping ignorance so long as you’re around humans at all, no matter where. I kind of expect to run into a whole different brand of idiocy up there. Hey, at least I’m on my guard. πŸ˜€

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I sooooo get where you’re coming from, Steph! There are so many crazy ass old ladies in just my building alone- I even wrote about it in in my blog. I was always taught to respect my elders, but this is the 21st century, for crying out loud, and they shouldn’t say all the racist stuff that they say. My neighbor says she’s a Democrat, but she hates Obama because he’s black. Good for you for standing up for yourself, because it took me awhile too before I stopped holding my tongue and let loose! They may be older, but when you’re nasty, you’re nasty.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I have a lot of trouble with speaking up. I tend to grimace and put my earbuds in. But now that I’m rooming with an old lady at work, the frequency of these incidents is ratcheting up and I’m losing patience. Which…I think may be a good thing.

      Liked by 1 person

  4. Woo go you! I hate when people are like that, and i struggle with standing up to them. The thing i hate the most is when they say such things in the name of Christianity – im a Christian and i would never say that and am personally offended whenever anyone takes their ignorant political stands in the name of religion.

    Liked by 3 people

    1. Yes, there’s a lot of that at work. I’m surrounded by racism, and they all claim to be these good Christian people. I have to say, I can only think of one really good example of a good Christian. And she passed away many years ago. (I mean with people I know in person…that’s no slant on you!)

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Yeah no I kind of feel the same way, even in my own Christian community – people are so judgemental and hypocritical and that’s totally fine to live your life whatever way you want to but when you start being all “omg as a Christian…..” maybe you should stop and talk a look at what exactly you are saying….gah makes me so gosh darn mad!

        Liked by 1 person

  5. Cheering you on from here.

    The shit people say around me because they think I’m down to hear it because I’m a white dude. Like, there’s all the awful racist stuff, but there’s also weird misogyny since I happen to be male. Not super into weird rape jokes and the like. REALLY not my thing!

    Currently still at the “stay silent” phase. Not proud of it. I don’t join in on the conversation. But I need to be more proactive than I am.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Hey I’m not judging by any means. I’ve been in the “stay silent” phase for most of my life. And this isn’t about white guilt or any of that bullshit. Every ethnicity is prone to racism. I’m just sick of hearing the shit. And when I stay silent, they assume that means I’m like-minded.

      Good point on rape jokes and shit. Though I will add that women are just as cruel about men.


      1. I don’t speak up as much as I should. When I do, though, it’s like talking to a wall. I honestly don’t know what good speaking up does, but I guess it’s better than nothing.

        Liked by 1 person

  6. I would have been tempted, when Archie mentioned race, to ask Edith if she had a lead on the good stuff since her son-in-law is Mexican. Y’know, just to see how Archie responds….

    Aren’t most of the pedos white men anyway? The ones in the news seem to be. Perhaps Archie needs to give ’em all the side-eye.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Fucking A Stephanie.
    I fucking hate these bigoted pricks no matter how “soft spoken” or “grey haired” they may be.
    The fucking world is full of them. You don’t need a specific sexuality to be a pervert, you don’t need a specific ethnicity to be a terrorist and you don’t need a specific colour to be a criminal.
    Ignorance is the reason why your country has voted a retard like Trump to the brink of the Whitehouse.
    Fucking scary Mary I can tell you….

    Liked by 1 person

    1. EXACTLY. I wouldn’t be the least bit surprised if that sick S-O-B ends up President. And I hate to say we fucking deserve it – we’ve allowed things to come to this. There are riots at his speaking events, but he’s only gaining popularity.

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Agreed. I have to fight past how jaded I am and keep on smiling. They call me the Sweet Stephanie at work (there’s another Stephanie). I need to keep it that way instead of letting them see Bitter Stephanie.

        Liked by 1 person

      2. I curse on FB sometimes. Almost all my “friends” on there are coworkers. One of them came into my office one day and said, “You’ve got a pottymouth, little girl.” And I was like WHAT?!??!?!?!? She said, “I saw you “fucking” on facebook!” BUSTED. πŸ˜€

        Liked by 1 person

  8. Sometimes we get large groups of entitled, white, Southern women in the studio spewing that crap. Being in, essentially, customer service while I teach them how to paint, means I have to be VERY subtle in how I try to “educate” them, but if they could only hear the things I’m thinking…

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Yeah, no kidding. That sounds like a fast way to get uncomfortable and angry. I can’t wait to get the hell out of the South. But I’m not an idealist about it. I know there is ignorance everywhere…but boy is it a special kind down here.


  9. Good on you for calling out the bullshit. I wish I could do that to my boss without getting fired, but until I finish my degree I desperately need my job (there is no place that pays as well with as good of benefits and still gives me time to do homework or other personal stuff). God, Archie sounds like she and my boss would get along great. Did you know if you’re married to a Hispanic person you are allowed to negatively stereotype the entire race? Apparently you can, because his excuse for every ignorant piece of BS out of his mouth is, “My wife is Mexican and she thinks I’m right/funny/smart.”

    Also, I guess this makes you Gloria (the liberal hippie daughter always telling Archie how horrible he is) in this scenario? I’d say you were Michael (he was much more confrontational and straight-forward than Gloria, who was actually kind of polite in that “oh, silly racist daddy” way), but he ended up being a cheating sleazebag.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you, but I understand. I haven’t stood up nearly as often as I’ve been given the chance. In fact, yesterday’s “backtalk” was me in rare form. I’m working on being more of a “Michael,” but hell even Gloria is better than Archie by a mile!

      Liked by 1 person

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