I don’t want to end my streak…

…so I’m here. With nothing to say. Shall we see if I end up saying something anyway, like yesterday. Why not. [(Fuck question marks. Question marks are squiggly little pricks that make it sound like I lack confidence in what I’m saying.) (See, this is the kind of bullshit that escapes when I don’t have a plan! Who the hell has problems with question marks. I do, apparently. Who knew.)]

Uhm.

Uh.

How ’bout them Yankees. No. Shitty topic, seeing as how I don’t give a fuck about them Yankees.

Uhm.

How about cookies. Archie brought cookies in today, some elaborate recipe with oatmeal (who knew), raisins, coconut, some other shit, some additional other shit. She said her Mr. Archie complained they were too dry, so she brought them to work. They were too dry. I ate two anyway. For breakfast, because I’m a gangsta. Also because I’m out of oatmeal so I ate dry oatmeal cookies. Fair trade.

Well that got old fast. What now.

There’s a video going around of goats jumping on a trampoline. It’s pretty awesome, and reminds me that I want a trampoline. I need one to have a bouncing army of Garry Goats. Shit, that means I need goats, too. Good thing I want goats. And chickens. And my own personal library. One of these things is not the same, but I still want them all.

This is really fucking boring. Do I sound sufficiently blasé. Uhm. Uhhhh. How can I liven this post up.

Explosions. That works in Hollywood. But what do they know. They worship volcano aliens. Ohmygod, maybe that’s how the aliens get here. All those fucking explosions are really eruptions, shooting evil alien overlords over the masses. Only they travel via airwaves, so they’re distributed among the masses at summertime popcorn explody movies. Yeah.

Topics are good. I should probably make a list of them or some shit. For days like today, when the lack of said list results in a rambling post about grammar, oatmeal and Scientology. Fucking weirdo.

My shoulder is hurting like a motherfucker. Pain shooting down my arm like needles, fingers going numb. Pinched nerve, I bet. Just what I need. My shoulder is a dick. (Ohmygod I just said I have a dick. I don’t. Unless you count my shoulder, in which case I do have a dick. And my foot that hasn’t healed in nearly a year. That’s also a dick. So’s my head. It hurts like a motherfucker. (Ohholyhell that means I’m a Motherfucking Dickhead. Wow. (I wonder what happens if all those dicks get erect at once.)))

Damn, I’m nasty. That’s okay. Y’all already knew that. And if you’re new here, Welcome to the Gutter. (Please sing that to the tune of “Welcome to the Jungle.” It has the same number of syllables, so it totally works. Trust.)

Going to the orthopedist today to have another x-ray of my foot. I don’t see the point, as I can tell him for a fact it isn’t healed. I’ll give you a hint as to how I know: PAIN. Yeah. Damnit. Gonna ask him if he can either check my shoulder as well or make an appointment to do so very soon. I’ve been putting up with it for a few weeks now, but instead of getting better (as I’d hoped), it’s monumentally worse.  Yay.

That’s okay. I’m gonna beat these assholes somehow, someway. How else will I go hiking once I hit the PNW. Exactly. So these assholes have to heal, so I can hike. I will it so. Damnit.

House. Almost ready to list. I realize I keep saying that, but it’s superclose now. Repairs made and just needs a hard scrub. (My shoulder’s gonna loooooove that.)

Jobs applied to with the company I currently work for – in the PNW. Fuckin’ aye. I’ve got an in with a local VIP who has an in with a PNW VIP. So, while there are no guarantees and it may take a while, it would enable me to keep my current insurance and bennies. Fingers crossed.

Speaking of PNW, considering taking on a roomie when I move. Could save me shittons of money or get me slaughtered in my sleep, my guts churned into a breakfast smoothie. Worth the risk? I dunno. I value my privacy too much, probably. And my guts. Sometimes.

Mental Health. I’ve taken myself off of all psych meds, and my brain feels better. I still wake up wishing I hadn’t, but none of the drugs I was on ever took that away. So. Fuck it. Why pump my body full of drugs just to feel the same way in the end. So fuck that psychiatrist. Gonna get my GP to prescribe the sleepytime med and stop pouring money down that pill-pushing hodonkey.

Uhm. Those are the shortest updates I’ve ever given. Heh.

Uhm.

Okay. That is all. Good day.

And don’t forget: McGruff the Crime Dog says to Say No to Drugs. I say take a bite out of McGruff.

McGruff
I changed my mind. He’s now my McHomie. As soon as he gets out of prison, anyway.

102 thoughts on “I don’t want to end my streak…”

  1. Well, I detect a correlation between pain and a dick. As an owner of one, I’m happy to say that this correlation isn’t always true. Well, unless when someone kicks me there, then all bets are off. 😀

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    1. HAHAHA! Well. Hmm. I’m not quite sure how to respond without being vulgar, so fuck it. Some pain caused by dicks is a good kind of pain.

      Also. Isn’t it terribly hypocritical to feel comfy using “dick” as a curseword, but hating the idea of using “pussy” in the same way?

      Food for thought. 😀

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      1. I never thought of it that way! But yeah, pussy wouldn’t have the same connotation in these cases. However, in keeping with male genitalia, dick has a much more visceral literary impact than, let’s say, penis. You can’t really insult someone and call him a penis head. Just doesn’t work. 😀

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      3. Doesn’t penis sound clinical to you? I imagine it to be a word my doctor would use in a conversation with me. Not that I discuss my penis with her. Nor do I discuss it at Thanksgiving dinner. Come to think of it, I don’t think that – in recent memory – that I’ve used the word penis. Except for here.

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      4. It does sound clinical! Sort of. But Elliott shouting at his brother, “It was nothing like that, penis breath!” is one of the best lines in the whole movie!

        I feel very weird talking about penises and Thanksgiving in the same conversation. Which makes it awesome! Instead of cranberry sauce… Oh god. I’m sorry, universe, my brain is warped!

        And I’m glad that I’m providing an important service – making you use the word penis.

        Liked by 1 person

      5. I have to agree – that is funny. But, passing the penis over passing the cranberry sauce is going to take some time for people to adjust to, not to mention having enough suitable donors to donate theirs. And yes, thank you for helping me get past the stigma associated with the word penis. I think.

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      6. I was going to say penis sauce! But I didn’t want to turn a clinical conversation into cheap vulgarity. So I refrained. From saying penis sauce.

        I think I have a new post idea. And please, spread the penis. Word. I meant to say word.

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      17. lol! Will people flee when they find out how many time penis and peni were used in this thread? Can you assure them that no peni were hurt in the production of this post? 😀

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      29. …I just had to go pee. It was that or shame myself in front of an old lady. She’s dying to know what I’m losing it about. (Laughter, not pee.) I may need to start wearing Depends.

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      33. I’m spitballing here. Maybe 1983. It’s totally mummified. I’ve met Mr. Archie, that’s not really a cane he’s using.

        PENI. I vote Peni. Or Penii. Although, a penis should only have one i.

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      34. Oh my. Unless he’s really short, he was blessed in his youth. I like Peni. No, I’m not making a declaration of any kind. Just saying that the word works for plural purposes.

        Liked by 1 person

      36. Well, I like *MY* peni. No – penis. I only have one. I am now thinking of The Lord of the Rings, but peni instead of orcs in the battle scenes. This is not good!

        Liked by 1 person

      50. It’s fine, I have to leave work. But, we’ll plan this out tomorrow. Try to think of a name. Just think of all the names that will need changing. I have one already though. Instead of Bilbo Baggins, how about Tea Baggins?

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  4. Steph! Go watch “Streets of Fire” its what I do when I hate the universe. It’s terrible…it’s so terrible it’s awesome. In fact I just wrote about how terrible it is and how awesome it makes me feel. LOL!
    I hope your shoulder is less of a dick and more of a shoulder to you, very soon.
    Don’t eat Oatmeal cookies…you’ll encourage other people to make more of them. ❤

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  6. Ok, first of all, this was a quality read, in spite of your perceived lack of mojo. Secondly, try some nerve glide exercises (google them, too hard for me to explain in this format), gentle stretching, and ice on that shoulder. And, lastly, McGruff, along with thousands of others, has gotten screwed! Going to jail for weed? RIDICULOUS!!! Legalize it NOW! That is all. 😃

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  7. Oh you’re moving to PNW.. that is like my all time dream location to travel to. 🙂 (I live in Europe). Hoping to perhaps hear some hiking stories from there on your blog later, then! (If your dick/shoulder/foot heal enough…
    🙂

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    1. It’s been a dream of mine for a long time. I was finally fortunate to get to visit in 2014, and I didn’t want to leave. That’s when I knew for sure I had to move there. Hey you’ll know someone there when you make it someday! 🙂

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      1. I can understand that completely!
        Yes, true, I will know someone. 🙂 Actually I know one more bloggie pal there, so maybe it’s a sign I should go there some time. 🙂 Looking forward to hearing your stories from the area. Hiking there… me jealous!
        😉

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  8. Yay for continuing your streak! I love waking up and finding posts from you – even ones like this I giggle through. A great way to start the day! If you go onto the Daily Post website, they have this PDF file of 365 writing topics, assigned for each day of the year. That could help with ideas – or just have a prompt jar. I have one of those, with just little prompts scribbled onto a piece of paper, but whenever I go to use it I always tell myself “the first one I will use for writing” then I read it and I’m like “nopes…next” lol

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    1. Oh wow, you are the best! You’ve just made my day. Thank you so so much! 🙂

      And I’ll have to look up that Daily Post website you mentioned – that sounds like a great idea. I keep meaning to start a prompt jar or something, too. I have a little list on my phone, but I’m like you – I open it up, look at it, and go NOPE. But good idea…for later. Or even “why the hell did I EVER think that would be interesting?!” 😀

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  10. Consider a chiropractor for that shoulder. If it’s a pinched nerve, that might help. Ditto for massage to loosen up the muscles holding your spine in the wrong position. Amen for getting off the meds. That was insane how many el shrinko put you on. Hoping you’ll seek out a new shrink when you move who will be less pill pushy. Or maybe ask your primary care physician to prescribe an antidepressant that’s not so severe and might help with sleep at the same time (like Elavil or Wellbutrin). Make it clear that you still need to be able to, you know, use your brain to function.

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    1. Yeah, no kidding – those things wrecked my normal brain function. Some days were a supreme struggle. Not only that, but I have memory problems as it is – those things were exacerbating it to a great extent. Good idea about asking the GP about it. I need to see him soon to talk about a sleep med – so that would be the perfect time to discuss all of it and my reason for asking. I’ve talked to him about insomnia before, but he said I was fine taking OTC things like Unisom. But I got to the point where I was taking three a night and still not falling asleep. So we need to revisit that…

      The ortho doc said yesterday that I probably have a slipped disc. He wants me to do 4-6 weeks of physical therapy, 3x a week. That’s too much for me to afford, so I’m gonna talk with my insurance company to make sure something isn’t screwy and also google good exercises/stretches for this. I did some last night and had some temporary relief…so maybe I’ll find something. 🙂

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      1. No crazy I’m not in Australia
        It’s just a saying
        I’m here in Donaldland
        Where we can be fake again
        Where I can promise you the world
        And deliver it
        When you open the box
        Of course it’s empty
        All here in Donaldland
        Season tickets
        299.99 for the whole summer
        That’s per person
        Come one come all

        Liked by 1 person

Lay it on me!