April __, 2015
Stephanie: Happy Birthday
Mother: Who is this?
You vanished from the state. I didn’t know where you were.
But I never thought you’d delete me.
S: I thought this was Jane Doe’s number. I apologize.
M: It is but i dont recognize your number!
You fucking deleted me.
July __, 2015
M: Happy birthday
I wonder who identified my number for you.
It only took you two months to figure it out.
August 31, 2015
S: We can get together sometime if you want. I don’t know where you are these days, so just let me know when you’re around. Maybe we can do lunch.
September 2, 1015
S: How about Wednesday?
M: Wednesday is fine how about ____ right by me so i dont have to drive far
S: I’ll meet you there at 11:30.
September 9, 2015
S: Yes. Still want to go to ___?
M: Unless u want to somewhere else doesnt matter
S: No, that sounds good to me.
Sweet lady at work convinced me to do this lunch with you. You didn’t know that did you?
I didn’t want to come. I knew it was too good to be true.
I was right.
You thought I could get you a fucking job.
You wanted a favor. That’s why you reappeared.
I told you we were under a hiring freeze.
I remained stoic, because I didn’t believe anything you were saying.
You said you wanted to renew our relationship.
I said I’d like that. I stuck my neck out and said I need you to call me.
You said you’d call me every week.
I wonder how long it will be this time, before I hear from you again.
October __, 2015
I never knew they were expecting.
S: Thank you.
June 15, 2016
M: I loue and miss you so very much please call me sometime
I can’t fucking do this again.
June 16, 2016
S: No, that was nearly a year ago. I’ve come to terms with the way things are.
M: What’s that supposed to mean? I have tried everything i can possibly think of to restore a relationship with you not laying blame at all just doesnt seem u are interested i truly dont have a clue what i have said or done that you cant or wont forgive me for
S: I’m not sure why you brought blame into it, when I responded in a calm and non-accusatory manner. That’s interesting. What I meant was that you said you were going to start calling me once a week, because you said you wanted a relationship with me. That was almost a year ago now.
S: I don’t see any texts like that in our entire conversation history.
M: Well i sent one after she was born about her baby shower
S: You never sent the texts you’re saying you did. I have the entire conversation history. You said you would stay in touch with me regularly, after I hadn’t even known what state you were living in for a very long time. But then I didn’t hear from you again until last October when you sent me a picture of a baby I knew nothing about. There was no invitation, and there has been zero communication after that. I don’t understand where this is coming from.
S: Why did you ignore me in the grocery store?
Fuck it. Let’s see you lie about this one.
I’m glad you couldn’t see me.
I’m glad you couldn’t see me sobbing during this entire exchange.
I’m glad you didn’t see the ass-kissing texts I originally wrote and then deleted before sending.
I spent most of my life letting you guilt me and make shit up and put it all on me.
I always let you do it.
Now I see why.
And now you’ve told me you’re giving up.
Every fucking time I try to heal, you do this.
Every fucking time. Just when I think I can move on without crying about you anymore…
You show back up and guilt me.
But this time I didn’t let you.
I won’t let you do this to me anymore.
I may not have had the nerve to type it out in text.
But I’ll say it here.
No. Your answer is no. So I’ll tell you here.
Do you remember?
I do. I remember that and a lot more.
I’m sorry I wasn’t good enough for you to stick around.
I’m sorry I was worthy of your goodbye.
So it’s my turn now. It’s my turn to say,
Sorry I bothered you.
I give up.