That Time I was Adopted

In September.

Of 2016.

As in, four months ago. At the tender age of 36.

Back in August, when I was mainlining xanax to get through the immense stress I was going through trying to get the fuck out of Louisiana, one of my buddies from work came to chill in my office for a while. I’ll call him “Habanero,” since he’s the biggest RHCP fan I know (besides LE MOI. DUH.).

So we’re listening to the chili peppers and chatting about random shit, and finally we get into Oregon and Portland. Finally landing somewhere around this paraphrased bit…

Habanero: Dude, so I heard you don’t know anyone up there. I laughed when P. Whipped told me that.

Me: arches an eyebrow

Habs: No fucking way. Friends? Family?

Me: Nah. I don’t have anyone up there. I don’t know why everyone is making such a big deal out of it. shrugs

Habs: laughs and leans back. The whole Pacific Northwest? You know…nada? Maaaaan, P. Whipped thinks you’re nuts. Hell, everyone does. But me? I envy you. You got some serious balls. What’s your plan?

I give him the gist of what I intended – which was to spend a week in an extended stay, during which time I’d find a place to rent and take whatever job I could find.

Habs: Listen, I know a guy.

Me: If this is gonna end with me dead in the desert or in a Mexican prison, I’m not interested.

Habs: Dude, I think I saw that one! ANYWAY. I know a guy: Jalapeรฑo. Jalapeรฑo and I grew up together, and he has family in Oregon. I’m gonna hit ’em up. They’ll let you crash for a couple weeks, while you get settled. I’m tellin’ you. They will.

Me: My eyes must have been big as saucers. This is something I normally would have put the kibosh on I-FUCKING-MMEDIATELY. Really, Habs? You think so?

Habs: I fucking know it. I’ll talk to Jala. We’ll sort it out; you’ll see.

Me: Dude, even if this doesn’t work out – you’re fucking awesome for even suggesting it. For thinking of me. Thank you.

Habs: Nah, you my homegirl. I can’t stand the idea of you going up there like that, with nobody at all. These people are cool. I mean, nice. Like. Nice as fuck. You’ll see.


Habanero didn’t contact them until around the last week of August…as in right at the last minute. But he wasn’t kidding. They took me in, showed me around, and now I’m renting a room from them.

It’s weird. And uncomfortable. Awkward as fuck.

And I’m tellin’ you, these people straight up act like they’re my folks. They’ve even introduced me that way once or twice, “This is Stephanie, the daughter we just met in September.”

They text me when they think I’m out too late.

They text me when they think I’ve been gone longer than whatever errand I’m on should require.

I do their laundry for them (sometimes).

I dogsit for them (often).

They drag me to family functions (after promising my presence and tricking me into going by telling me we’re doing SOMETHING ELSE ENTIRELY THEN WE SHOW UP TO A FUNCTION WITH SEVENTY PEOPLE).


They’re nice. And what I’m paying them in rent has enabled me to drag out the little bit I got back from the sale of the house…so that I can look for a job I actually want to pursue instead of settling for the first thing some agency could dig up for me. I had only been here a week when they approached me and asked me to stay. “The angels sent you to us. It was meant to be. We talked to our medium about you. She thinks you ARE an angel. Will you meet her with us?”


It’s interesting, alright.

And it’s a strange feeling. Being parented. At 36. After a lifetime of little to none of that.

They’ve taken me to the beach. They’ve taken me to restaurants my budget would definitely not allow. They gave me gifts at Christmas and cry and tell me they love me.

So I have to deal with some overbearing shit. So I have to deal with someone who may be at the beginning stages of dementia. So I have to deal with hugs and hovering and manipulation to spend time with them. So I have to listen to them repeat the same life stories over and over and over again for hours on end. So I have to deal with parents. Family.

I’ve also been given this two-fold gift of being able to take my time and pursue something better than “just a job.” And…as strange and uncomfortable as it is…it feels good, sometimes. To be depended on. To be…loved.

As grateful as I am, you’ll most assuredly get plenty of rants about how manipulative they can be. And how downright fucking mean-as-a-snake the man can be. But when I’m being fair, those times are few compared to how fortunate I’ve been and am right now. This is temporary – they both know that, though they’ve both also said they want me to stay for good. (Yeah, I’m serious. There’s obviously more I haven’t told in this little post: like how I think my very presence has acted as a balm for them and their loneliness, health problems they’re both dealing with, etc.) But I agreed to their rent proposition “for up to a year.” I’m not sure I can deal with the smothering that long, but hell. The way things are going, don’t ask me what comes next. I sure as hell don’t know.

Life is weird. And this new chapter book my life is writing is certainly no exception.

35 thoughts on “That Time I was Adopted

  1. So glad you’ve found somewhere to stay while you job-hunt. I always look at stuff like this as a sort of karmic fate. If it happens, there’s a reason it happened. You may not know why for a long time. You’re safe, you’ve got shelter and food, and you’ve got a taste of a home. Happy New Year!!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I’ve been quite fortunate, indeed. The rent and terms they gave me were impossible to turn down, at least in the interim. Perhaps it really was “meant to be.”

      Thank you, Julie! And Happy New Year to you as well!

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What a long, strange trip life can be. I’m of the mindset that things happen for a reason. This is obviously an odd scene, but go with it. If it’s a win-win, to a degree, take it, be thankful, and run with the opportunity. ๐Ÿ˜ƒ

    Liked by 2 people

      1. Just a necessary step to get where you needed to be. I have so much faith in your future – you’ll be at the right job in no time and then a place of your own.


  3. That is awesome that you found a place so quickly! And that it totally worked out for you to stay there for the near future. It’s nice to have overbearing-ness in our lives sometimes. It makes us feel like someone cares about how we are doing. ๐Ÿ™‚ But I do hope you find a really amazing job as quickly as possible!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. I don’t blame you for needing to leave Louisiana. I had to do the same. the people there can become very toxic.

    luckily, when I hauled ass outta there, I did with my partner at my side. we had no connections here in Minnesota other than his job and each other; it was hard. but I can’t imagine doing it totally alone.

    back on topic about your pseudo-adoption:
    it seems like what you’ve got with that family is healthy interdependence. that’s great, and I’m really happy for you. it’s hard to find, but amazing to have. embrace it, and help it to flourish.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you so much for your perspective and insight. I’m doing my best to embrace it, for my sake as well as theirs.

      And oooooooo I bet Minnesota is gorgeous right now! I’ve only driven part of that state once, and it was flippin’ gorgeous!

      Liked by 1 person

  5. I can’t tell you how happy I am to see a post in my in box from you! Wow, Woah, serious changes going on in your life. Thrilled for your new adventure. But….reading this made me think of the movie “The Visit”. Great movie but a bit creepy. Seriously, these folks sound super nice and it fits for the moment for you. Hugs and keep the posts coming K? ๐Ÿ˜Œ

    Liked by 1 person

      1. I think you’ll love The Visit or it might freak you out a little. Either way, it’s a good one. Happy you’re settled and it’s a temporary fix for ya!

        Liked by 1 person

  6. reparenting. it’s the shit until it’s not. parents have boundary issues, it’s annoying. and it sounds like your getting your adoptive parents as grandparents. always a treat. can’t wait until you leave. ๐Ÿ™‚ sunday dinners are the way of the adult world. you’d be a great kid keeping with sunday dinners.

    so, are you up to your ass in snow? have you found lurve yet? what about shenanigans? any of those? a new year of your blogging wouldn’t go unappreciated, stephanie. happy new year, s-dog.

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Wait, did I mention the Sunday dinners?! Because dude, she bought waterford crystal candleholders for the occasions and everything. Dios mio, I’m in the thick of it.

      SNOWWWWWWWWW! I’m so in love with this record snowstorm. It’s like an insane winter welcome to the PNW for me! I’m in heaven!

      No love yet. Well, you know. I’m one of those that loves but it nearly always remains unrequited. It would at least be nice to have some “game-night” buddies or something, though. Even my “introvert” is sick being alone in the basement.

      S-dog. ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€ ๐Ÿ˜€

      Happy New Year, Lady!

      Liked by 2 people

  7. This new book of your life is fucking amazing! I’m still getting over the shock – in a positive way, bien sรปr – of having you back on the blogosphere after such a long time! It’s like seeing an OVNI! ๐Ÿ˜

    Liked by 1 person

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