My good friend T. Wayne shares his thoughts on Orlando and the crisis of our national (international) love deficit. His words are soft and sad, hesitantly hopeful, a poignant antidote to anger and hate. Dalai Lama XIV tells us that “the true hero is one who conquers his own anger and hatred.” In the spirit of that sentiment, please check out this post and reflect with me on our collective responsibility to restore love to the world.
A Whole Buncha Shit You Never Knew You Wanted To Know About Me (AKA The One Where You Find Out Just How Perverted I Am)
Today is a difficult day for me. Not because of the beasts within, but for a very specific and deeply personal reason. So, while it’s highly unusual for me (especially lately), I’m gonna do my second post of the day. This one is gonna be fun! I’m in need of fun diversion, and I think some of you will wanna do this fun little thing for yourselves, too!
Over at A Momma’s View, the lovely blogger issued a superfun list of 35 questions for her readers to answer. She also asks her readers to come up with a question of their own. So. I’ll do hers and add the ones her commenters asked, and I’ll try to come up with my own to add for you.
Let’s do this thang, chickenwang. ((That was really fucking lame, but it popped into my head so it stays.) (You’re welcome.))
1 – Boxer shorts or budgy smugglers? Bam. I can already tell these are gonna be my kinda questions! So. Chick. I don’t wear either. But if I’m gonna get to see a man’s underwear, I really hope they’re boxer briefs. Gray or black. Hm. But if he has dark skin, white ones look awesome. Hm, I bet white looks good on pale skin, too. You know what? Fuck the color, just make sure they’re snug. (What? Aren’t these Essay Questions? No? Piss off. They are so.)
2 – What color of underwear are you currently wearing? Black.
3 – How long have you been wearing them for? Let’s see, it’s 3:10 PM at this very moment. So I’ve been wearing them for 8 hours. Geez, why does that sound gross? It’s totally not!
4 – Do you ever use binoculars to watch people? No. But good idea! No, I take that back. My street is filled with old people and college kids. Wait. There’s the Lebanese guy a block down. Anybody have a pair of binoculars I can borrow? I need to find out his answer to the first question. (Look. I’m not a pervert, people. I’m a human. A fucking perverted one.)
5 – Have you ever kicked someone in the groin? Not no, but fuck no. No one has ever done anything to me that would come close to warranting that. At least not once I was old enough to consider retribution. Hell, I probably wouldn’t even now. Even if he or she deserved it. I just couldn’t be that cruel.
6 – Would you pull a trigger? No. No, I wouldn’t.
7 – If you met your favorite celebrity, and they wanted to make out with you, would you? No. Because making out leads to sex. And that ain’t happenin’ without an STD-free permit and exclusive relationship rights. Call me a prude. Don’t give a fuck. (Not without the STD-free permit, anyway!)
8 – Have you ever slept in the same bed with someone you were not in a relationship with (not talking about sex and one-night-stands)? Fuck no. Why the fuck would I be in bed with someone I didn’t want to have sex with? If you crawl into my bed, prepare for the fuckening. Unless you’re a chick. Then get out.
9 – Have you had one-night-stands? Not exactly.
10 – Does sex have the same importance to you now compared to when you were younger? Fuck. No. It matters a great deal more, now! And I’m single – what kind of bullshit is this, universe?! HUH? FUCK YOU. No. NO. No “fuck you.” If I’m not getting laid, neither are you! UNFUCK YOU!
11 – Have you ever eaten a worm? No. But I made my little sister eat one when we were kids. I felt like a god. It was awesome. And then I felt guilty, because I’m a softy. (Fuck off, I am, too.)
12 – What’s the grossest thing you’ve ever eaten? Bread. Nah, I’m kidding. Broccoli. Fucking broccoli. And mayonnaise. And cream cheese. And potted meat. And…I’m going to go puke now. Thanks a lot.
13 – How long do you spend sitting on the toilet? Uhhhhhh. I don’t like this question. Damnit. If I have a book or iPad with me (I know I know germs bleh), my ass will go numb. Good enough?
14 – What do you do when you sit there (besides the obvious)? Read or play games or pet my cat. (Not THAT “cat,” sickos. I don’t do that kind of petting on the toilet. One of the cats always follows me to the bathroom….)
15 – Have you ever been peed at? Yes, yes, I’ve been aggressively peed at by a legion of angry toddlers. It was like walking through a warm sprinkler. Ew. NO. I’ve never been peed at or on. WAIT. YES I HAVE. FROGGIES. FROGGIES HAVE PEED ON ME.
16 – What’s the grossest thing you have ever swallowed? This is a dangerous question. Don’t worry, I’m not gonna say cum. Piss. Piss with cigarette butts in it. Yeah, I’m not fucking kidding. I wish I was. Someone pissed in my soda can and put a cigarette out in it, because he thought I was done with it. Yeah. Fuck, I’m gonna hurl.
17 – What’s the constantly dirtiest place in your home? The kitchen. Ugh, I hate cleaning the kitchen.
18 – Why don’t you clean it? Because I fucking hate it. Dishes and shit. The oven. The sink. Ugh. I fucking hate it, that’s why!
19 – Do you eat your boogers? Fuck. No. But my sister used to. How do you think I knew I could easily convince her to eat worms? Nasty little shit. She was still sneaking them in her twenties. I bet she garnishes her dishes with them now.
20 – Can you describe the one smell that makes you gag? Human. KIDDING. Hmm. The one smell that makes me gag. Rotten milk or eggs. Yeah, that’s two things, but they both popped into mind as something guaranteed to make me gag.
21 – Have you ever had head lice? Yes. My sister brought them home, and we all got ’em. Fucking nasty. And she KEPT bringing them home until mom finally figured out exactly which friend they were coming from.
22 – Have you ever been utterly disappointed in someone? Yes. Yes, I have. And it’s a devastating feeling. To be utterly disappointed in someone, you have to have a high level of trust and expectations. And unfortunately, I’ve been disappointed many times in life.
23 – Have you ever been scared of someone? Yes. I’d have a real urge to piss my pants if he showed up even now.
24 – What do you do when you’re drunk that you wouldn’t want anyone to know about? Uhm. I’m honestly a pretty fun drunk. I just get silly and giggly. If I get too drunk, I run into shit. But that’s normal. Uhm. That I wouldn’t want anyone to know about? Does “get aroused” count? Not really. I think that’s pretty standard, too. I dunno! I’m fucking awesome when I’m drunk. I should probably drink more. (Kidding. I don’t drink often, and I plan to keep it that way.)
25 – Have you tried pole dancing? Not the kind you’re talking about.
26 – Have you been in a strip club? Nope. I’m not into window-shopping of any sort.
27 – Have you ever run over an animal? Yes. And I sobbed so fucking hard…every time…sometimes for days.
28 – Have you ever peed in snow? No! Bucket list!
29 – Have you ever made fun of someone and then regretted it? You bet your sweet ass I have. I regret it still. It’s shameful. Shameful.
30 – What’s your favorite kind of question on Cards for Humanity (if you know the game)? Uhm. Sex ones. DUH. Anybody wanna play?
31 – If the father of your best friend hit on you, what would you say to him? I have a specific man in mind, and my usual timid self would be out the window. I would strongly tell that bastard to fuck right off, stop breathing my air, and I hope your dick falls off.
32 – Would you go out on a date with someone half your age or double your age? No. Half my age would be 17. I have no interest in boys. Twice my age would be 70. I have no interest in changing diapers.
33 – Do you clean the sink after brushing your teeth? Isn’t that what toothpaste is for? Kidding. I don’t. I’m a fucking slob, okay? Sometimes.
34 – Have you ever spat in someone’s food or drink? No.
35 – Have you ever kissed someone only to be grossed out afterwards? Oh god, yes. Patrick, you sleaze.
36 – What is your number one goal in life, and are you living it? Contentment. Yes. I think that’s what it all boils down to. Contentment. And no. I’m not. But I’m striving for it.
37 – Do you spy on your neighbor(s)? If yes, why? No. I don’t give a fuck about their lives. Does that make me an asshole? Perhaps. But it also makes me NOT A CREEPY SPY! So there!
38 – Have you ever danced and/or cried in the rain? I know I’ve cried in the rain. I think I danced in the rain, but I could have dreamt it. Do you have “memories” like that? Where you aren’t sure it ever happened? And maybe it was just a dream? Yeah.
39 – Have you ever ditched work to just chill out on your own (with or without Netflix)? Fuck yes.
40 – And this one is from me: What do you wish you were doing right now (anything goes)? I wish I were sitting cross-legged in a mountain-rimmed meadow, laughing and talking and wishing and sharing and getting righteously baked with a companion. Maybe some guitar playing. Maybe sex under the stars. But mostly a boatload of giggles and exchanges of ideas.
There you have it. Wanna play?
For a Good Cause
A great blogger friend, Cameron over at World’s Biggest Fridge Magnet, is undertaking a massive charity walk to raise money and awareness for HENRY (Health Exercise Nutrition for the Really Young). This charity hits home for me, because I was raised on terrible food and knew nothing of proper nutrition – and this still impacts me, to this day. If we can teach parents and children about proper nutrition and physical education, then we do much to improve their emotional well-being. For life.
Cameron has started a GoFundMe page to help alleviate the expenses of such an undertaking so that he can focus more on actually raising awareness.
Please consider contributing, playing your own part in raising money and awareness for HENRY. Even a buck or two will make a difference. You can donate here. Taking care of our children is one of the most important things in this life. And they’re all our children. They learn from all of us, and they deserve the best shot at this life that we can give them.
Check out the links I included. And if you can’t help out, that’s fine too! Duh! But perhaps you can help spread the word on your blog or on Facebook. It’s for an awesome cause. And Cameron is one of the best guys around. Think about it, homies.
Calling All Bloggers (Reblog)
This sounds really cool – y’all please go check her out and consider participating.
Eduardo Spotted Philandering In New Mexico
Y’all….Eduardo has been spotted. Though I don’t know what it means that he requested Chili Peppers while bumpin’ uglies. (I swore I’d never use that phrase: bumpin’ uglies. Fuck, I just did it again.) I introduced him to the peppers…I’m reading too much into this. Oh dear.
Anyway, this has made my night. 😀
A local reporter caught this shot of Eduardo leaving a well-known brothel early on Tuesday morning. (Photos taken yesterday.) The ladies who serviced Eduardo said he was very polite, a good tipper, and that he asked to listen to the Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Meet & Greet Weekend at Dream Big
There’s a Meet and Greet over at Dream Big, Dream Often. If you’re interested in finding new blogging buddies, this is a good place to look this weekend!
10 Reasons Why I Use the Word “Fuck”
See? It’s not just me.
The Versatile Blogger Award!
Looky here, y’all! Brand spankin’ new stephellaneous received its first award nomination, courtesy of wwwpalfitness! Thank you so much – I’ll do my best to follow the instructions and do my lists – probably tomorrow. You rock! And while I’m at it, thanks to all of my followers for following and chatting and being cool as fuck. 🙂
One fun game
This post couldn’t have been timelier (more timely?) for me to read. And I’m so glad I stumbled upon it. I relate to a freakish degree with the author, as my little girl and old woman frequently hash things out in the silence of my emptiness. I needed these words today. And who knows, maybe you do, too.
Sometimes it feels like there’s a trembling child inside me, even though I see a bearded man staring back at me from the mirror these days. One fun game is to let the little boy speak, instead of pretending he’s not there. This is a good game to play, because I’ve noticed as soon as I start pretending, faking it, the reality surrounding me seems to know somehow, like a shark smells blood in the water. At this, it immediately sets about the task of making me honest again, which often involves getting humbled in some way. Humbled: comes from the Latin root humilis (on the ground), which comes from humus (the earth, the soil). In other words, if I’m not being real – expressing my truest self in each moment – the intelligence of life will, sooner or later, bring me back down into the truthful dirt, the dirt from which I came…
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