Shut Your Comasnorehole

Sometimes I think about weird things. Weird, random things about which I have no clue where my curiosity came from.

Exhibit A: Getting ready for work this morning, the following thought train barreled through my head.

I wonder how many people snore while they’re in comas.

Seriously, can people snore while comatose?

Ohmygod, can you imagine? What if you had to share a room with a comasnorer?

What if you were a comasnorer’s nurse or hospice person thingy?

Can you imagine sitting bedside and listening to twelve hours of chainsaw snoring?

For twenty fucking years?!

An entire lifetime of comasnoring?!

I FUCKING HATE YOU, COMASNORERS!

I pose the question to a friend. Who promptly destroys my perfectly rational comasnore rage with less rational reasonable rationale. Yes. Less rational rationale. Shit about life support and definitions of coma and blah blah blah. Thanksafuckinglot, Ezekiel, for derailing my thought train. Again.

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Exhibit B: Whose idea was it to remove all the bones from chicken? You know. For boneless chicken.

What sick fucks figured out how to debone an entire chicken, leaving slabs of seemingly undamaged chicken meat stuff after?

Dude. I wish I had that patent. Imagine how much boneless chicken I could afford.

Wait.

Wait a damn minute.

EGGS.

Eggs are chicken. Right?

Those motherfuckers are boneless!

CHICKEN CAME UP WITH BONELESS CHICKEN! They…they literally gave birth to it!

I don’t know what to do with this information. But I’m glad to have it.

boneless_dinner
Well this is bullshit. I’m nowhere near the first person to think this random shit. WHAT DOES IT MEAN.

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Exhibit C: Have you ever wondered how many people, in any given moment, are shitting at the exact same time?

I have. Especially Monday. I thought it a lot on Monday.

Like…what if we could harness all the pushing power happening this very second?

I bet we could circumnavigate the globe.

Repeatedly.

Maybe rocket straight to Jupiter.

With all the horse ass power happening simultaneously each and every minute.

I mean, I’m guessing it would be a messy ride. But still.

DUDES.

This is useful information. To whom, I know not. But I know it’s useful! It’s probably not useful.

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I know I’m not alone here. What’s the most recent weird shit you remember thinking?