It’s All About the Hustle

I’ve been hustling. And I do mean hustling hard. I’ve got two side hustles going on, on top of the full-time job (which I’m actively seeking to replace with a different full-time job elsewhere – never satisfied anymore, it seems).

One is the tutoring gig, which is frankly more trouble than it’s worth at this point because of an extended commute and a low cut of the pay. But I’m committed to seeing the school year through. They’ve got another month in these parts.

Second hustle is a writing thing I’ve been doing. Fluffy SEO padding shit to trick google. (They probably think I don’t know what’s up, but it’s fairly obvious it’s all bogus to do some hardcore SEO driving. You know, bolding keywords here and there. Burying a “moneylink” in a sea of non-competing, vaguely related links. Appending exactly three license-free stock photos and one embedded YouTube video. Yeah. Fun stuff.) But you know what? I’ve decided that I don’t care. I’m not screwing over any people with the BS articles and blog posts. I’m helping to trick a search engine that tricks people anyway. And while it still leaves a bad taste in my mouth, at $15 a post…I can’t afford to linger too long on my reservations. I figure…keep this up a couple of months, and I’ll be back to salient. Quite frankly, that outweighs ethics at this point (to a reasonable extent, anyway).

What does bug me is that the hustle further stymies my own words, because damnit I’m churning out four to eight of those suckers a day on top of my day job. But I don’t know how long the little gig will last, so I’m gonna milk it for all it’s worth.

I think…I just needed to vent that. And say that, no…I’m not trying to disappear. Again. Doesn’t mean I won’t. But it’s not my intent.

One day at a time.

One day at a time.

Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some hustling to do.

Warnings

Warn me
before you listen to hip hop,
Country one said.

Warn me
before you curse,
Christian one said.

Warn me
before you befriend me,
Aloof one said.

Warn me
before you laugh,
Stoic one said.

Warn me
before you believe,
Atheist one said.

Warn me
before you love me,
Jewish one said.

Warn me
before you trust me,
Brown one said.

Warn me
before you cry,
White one said.

Warn me
before you become,
They said.

Warn me
before you exist,
They said.

Warning you
that I’m done,
I said.

Brass Monkey, That Funky…Pictostorythingy?

My hands hurt. Like a motherfucker. I hope Cinderella didn’t have arthritis; otherwise, scrubbing the floors had to be extra hard work.

So. Me no typey much today. Me piccy. Here, me show you. (Me no know why me talk like Cookie Monster now. But me likey.)

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This bitch is done. P.S. Look at that uglyass TV covering the beautiful windows. I should sell it, but I haven’t played enough video games on it yet. So me keep it.
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My dead birdie friend. Finally figured out how they were getting in, when ANOTHER one flew in. Coming down the damn stove vent. One of the cats instantly caught him in his mouth, but I yelled his name, and he dropped the bird. Got superlucky. The frantic thing fell hit the window (not too hard) and fell down plunk into a trashcan. I covered the can, carried it outside, uncovered it…and he flew away. Happy day. This one, though? Dead as a fucking doornail. And he’s no Jon Snow, so he’s gonna stay dead. LIKE THE HIGH SPARROW. Fuckyeah, my geek is en pointe today.
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Some things I can’t seem to part with, like this olive wood necklace from Israel. Almost all the rest of the crap in the jewelry box was chucked straight into the bin. Anyway. I’ll keep the necklace, even though it now reminds me of a bitchass bitch. OHMYGOSH, this may actually be from my mamaw’s pilgrimage and not my bitchwhore aunt’s trip. I feel better.
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I had to keep these, too. Back when I was teaching, some of my students shared their Mardi Gras beads with me. Oh. But the red and green ones are from Cinco. I should Cinco de Trasho those. Anyway. Also featuring IV bruise. It’s almost gone now. Me sad.
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Contemplating a move to New Zealand. Wanna come with?
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Or Australia. Because kangas. People. People. PEOPLE. AUSTRALIA HAS TREE KANGAROOS. Those are NOT Jim Henson muppets! They’re TREE KANGAS. That is all.
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Eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee Totoro! And turtle butt.
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Garry and friends, snuggled up in a bundle of scarves.
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Dudes. I cried when I threw this out. I cried. And one of the poor cats still hasn’t forgiven me for tossing it. He’s been going into the bedroom and standing in front of the spot where it used to sit and just staring. I’m a horrible human being.
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Random sunflower popped up in my yard! This kinda shit makes life worth living.
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Random sunflower’s random younger brother. I call him The Usurper.
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And and and! Mushrooms after the rain! Happy dance!
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Azalea joy.
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Happy Little Azaleas. I hope the eventual new owners love these and don’t murder them. I’m gonna miss ’em.
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Another photo.

And now. For the real purpose of this post.

Happy 4th of Monkeys!

Shut Your Comasnorehole

Sometimes I think about weird things. Weird, random things about which I have no clue where my curiosity came from.

Exhibit A: Getting ready for work this morning, the following thought train barreled through my head.

I wonder how many people snore while they’re in comas.

Seriously, can people snore while comatose?

Ohmygod, can you imagine? What if you had to share a room with a comasnorer?

What if you were a comasnorer’s nurse or hospice person thingy?

Can you imagine sitting bedside and listening to twelve hours of chainsaw snoring?

For twenty fucking years?!

An entire lifetime of comasnoring?!

I FUCKING HATE YOU, COMASNORERS!

I pose the question to a friend. Who promptly destroys my perfectly rational comasnore rage with less rational reasonable rationale. Yes. Less rational rationale. Shit about life support and definitions of coma and blah blah blah. Thanksafuckinglot, Ezekiel, for derailing my thought train. Again.

~

Exhibit B: Whose idea was it to remove all the bones from chicken? You know. For boneless chicken.

What sick fucks figured out how to debone an entire chicken, leaving slabs of seemingly undamaged chicken meat stuff after?

Dude. I wish I had that patent. Imagine how much boneless chicken I could afford.

Wait.

Wait a damn minute.

EGGS.

Eggs are chicken. Right?

Those motherfuckers are boneless!

CHICKEN CAME UP WITH BONELESS CHICKEN! They…they literally gave birth to it!

I don’t know what to do with this information. But I’m glad to have it.

boneless_dinner
Well this is bullshit. I’m nowhere near the first person to think this random shit. WHAT DOES IT MEAN.

~

Exhibit C: Have you ever wondered how many people, in any given moment, are shitting at the exact same time?

I have. Especially Monday. I thought it a lot on Monday.

Like…what if we could harness all the pushing power happening this very second?

I bet we could circumnavigate the globe.

Repeatedly.

Maybe rocket straight to Jupiter.

With all the horse ass power happening simultaneously each and every minute.

I mean, I’m guessing it would be a messy ride. But still.

DUDES.

This is useful information. To whom, I know not. But I know it’s useful! It’s probably not useful.

~

I know I’m not alone here. What’s the most recent weird shit you remember thinking?

Shazamify My Life: The Last Ten Songs I Shazammed

I’ve had a busy week. And I’m looking down the barrel of an even busier weekend. But at least the weekend will lack the stress of the week. In fact, I’d say this weekend is full of potential. But that’s for another post.

Speaking of posts, I have a title for one I wanna write. But I still haven’t worked it all out in my head. So while that marinates, I thought I’d do a fun little music post. I use Shazam a lot. Usually at least once a day.

I don’t mean these Shazams:

I mean this Shazam:

Shazam Logo

If you have a Smartphone and have never heard of this app, download it. Now. I’ll wait.

If you like music but don’t have a Smartphone, go buy one. Then download this app. Now. I’ll wait.

Oh and if you don’t like music, just get out. Seriously, what the fuck is the matter with you?

So. Shazam. This nifty little app helps you identify songs you hear on the radio, at the bookstore, playing through your walls from the neighbor’s house, coming through the TV. Whatever. You push the little shazammy button and SHAZAM, you suddenly have the title and artist of what you’re listening to!

Anyway, as I said! I’m one busy motherfucker and I have things to do: a bag to pack, an application to finish, copy to edit, pizza to eat. So let’s get to this mofo.

The Ten Most Recent Shit I Shazammed

R. City feat. Adam Levine – Locked Away – heard on the radio. Also, is it just me, or is Adam Levine only attractive when his tats are exposed? In fact, let’s just put a bag over his head and strip him down. WHAT. The actual fuck. This is a clean blog, people. Do not talk about those things here! Besides. R. City is the one that makes this song.

Highly Suspect – Lydia – FanFuckingTastic. Hotdamn, this is one of the best ones I’ve shazammed lately.

Sun Drug – Wildman – Hell. Yes. Damn, I shazam some good shit.

Tove Lo – Talking Body – I wasn’t a huge fan of her voice, but the lyrics are sexy. And I dig it. Because if you love me right…

Jason Derulo – Want to Want Me – Because Jason Derulo. And I clearly love good, fun, upbeat, sexy songs.

The Delta Saints – My Love – Holy. Fuck. Did I say I shazam some good shit sometimes? I shazam some good shit sometimes!

G-Eazy & Bebe Rexha – Me, Myself & I – I fucking love this song. Seriously, dunno what it is, but I love it. For once, I think I dig the chick’s part more.

Robin Schulz feat. Francesco Yates – Sugar – What can I say? I have eclectic tastes, and I love the shit outta this song. Anyway, how’d you get so fly, huh? Plus. Dudes. This is clearly the best fucking video on the list! Seriously, even if you hate this kinda music, that’s okay. Mute it and watch the video!

Major Lazer feat. Ellie Goulding and Tarrus Riley – Powerful – Sexy, soulful, yes. Aching, yearning, loving. Just. Yes. Because you could give it all, but it’s never enough. As it should be.

2Pac feat. Talent – Changes – Excellent lyrics, beat, rhythm. This song is responsible for making me reevaluate my opinion of 2Pac’s music.

Yep. That’s some eclectic stuff. And here’s a bonus shazam because I can’t even follow my own fucking rules. TEN, you say? Fuck you! Here’s ELEVEN! Muahaha!

Deftones – Hole in the Earth – Enjoy Deftones, because I fucking love ’em.

 ~

Now. What’s the last thing YOU shazammed?