Masturdation Take 2: Date Night with Deadpool

First, for my writing and your reading pleasure:

Friday the 15th, I took myself out for a date. A masturdate, that is. Since I was already scheduled to be off work that day, I decided to make the best of it. There was an afternoon showing of Deadpool, which was good…because my anxiety levels are nowhere near low enough to masturdate on a Friday night when the place is packed with touchy-feely couples.

Unlike my Date Night with Bill Murray, my Date Night with Deadpool had a few people in the theater aside from myself. So. Let’s see. There was me – the only solo chick there to watch Deadpool. Then there were about eight or so solo dudes there. And there were two couples: one young teenage couple, and one couple with what looked to be a seven or eight year old little boy. Y’all. This is Deadpool we’re talking about, not TMNT. It took them until halfway through to realize they’d made a mistake…in spite of the fact that it was obvious on the opening credits.




I’ve never really gotten the appeal of Ryan Reynolds, as either an actor or as a hot piece of ass. But uhm. Yeah. Deadpool changed my mind. I’m not into Ryan Reynolds, but I definitely would fuck Deadpool to death. TO DEATH. That filthy mouth, the irreverence, the silliness, and yes the ass.

This isn’t going to be a review, because I’d rather talk to y’all about parks and shit. Not shit. I mean parks and shit. Not parks and poop. You know? Yeah, you know.

I laughed my ass off during the flick. It was interesting, because no one was laughing. So I felt self-conscious and tried to will myself not to laugh. Then I said fuck it. This shit is funny.

And you know what happened?

When I started laughing at funny shit, so did others. It’s as though we all had the same anxiety. The same reservation.

So me and this one dude in particular laughed at pretty much the exact same shit all throughout the movie.

The flick was filthy, vulgar, bloody, laden with sexual innuendo and overt sexual references. In other words, I wanted to marry it. Deadpool was so fucking funny I wanted to marry it.

I needed the humor. The filth. The irreverence. It made it worth striking out on my own. I didn’t even wear my hoodie, y’all. I laughed and had a blast and realized that when someone tries to tear you down, it’s best to realize it’s not about you. It really isn’t. So go out, masturdate and be like Deadpool.


P.S. Guess what?! I totally wrote this from work. So if the site is working up here tomorrow, I’ll get to the one about my little park visits and share some piccies!

22 thoughts on “Masturdation Take 2: Date Night with Deadpool

  1. anything that takes you out of your head
    Is ok by me
    Hey I’m 17 days without a cigarette
    That’s all I’ve been doing is going places that are out of my head
    Not to mention………
    But that another story
    Your ok toasty
    A party of one
    Is always a good tasting burger
    Uncle Dysfunctional

    Liked by 2 people

  2. damn. i wish i was there with you. two crazy babes laughing our asses off in dead silence. then laughing our assess off that we’re were the trend setters for others to laugh too. Except the story is better when it’s just you. Like a one person can make a difference story. Inspirational, really. I haven’t seen Deadpool yet but I’ve been meaning to. Now it’s time to post pics of parks and shit. 🙂

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Whatever. Dostoevsky. “The Possessed.” Or in the most recent translation of the Pevears, “The Demons.” Stupid reference. Just for some reason have always liked as the ultimate statement for the normies. “It’s not raining.” Like, actually, it’s not raining. What possible answer is there but: “Hand me my raincoat!” Haha. Glad you posted, Stephanie. I think I speak for all your Readers when I say that your biting coruscating delightful original wit is pretty much better than anything else on the Internet. So will leave you with the song, after many conversations, I know you love above and above all else. Thank you. It’s what a gentleman does.


  4. Being you say you mask your IP, download it. I have been watching it almost nightly since it came out and have good quality versions. As far as Ryan Reynolds he typically plays himself and he over powers a room, not like Jesse Eisenberg but with a lot of shit so obscure you try to Google and it asks you want to know what?


  5. I love when that happens, being the only one laughing in a theater that I went alone to. I have avoided this movie mostly because of Ryan Reynolds but am sure I will wind up seeing it eventually.

    Liked by 1 person

Lay it on me!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s