5-Day Song Challenge: Fifth & Final

The five songs I’ve used in this challenge surprised me. The only one I knew I’d use was Slow Cheetah. The rest happened a day at a time, and none of the other songs I planned to use made it into the five posts – including today’s. That’s one of the interesting things about music moods for me – I never know what I’ll be in the mood for from day to day. And this time, rather than relying a planned lists of songs to type about, I decided to wing it from day to day and let my mood guide the choices.

Which leads us to today’s selection.

Song the Fifth:

Float – Flogging Molly

Flogging Molly’s Float is on my mind for two reasons:

  1. The theme: struggling with depression and indifference as time inevitably marches on. Trying to make sense from the senseless and grasping for reasons to persist. For obvious reasons, it speaks to me. Rather, it speaks me.
  2. The timing: totally going to a Flogging Molly concert tonight, and I’m stoked. Fucking. Stoked.

Have a listen.

The Lyrics:

Drank away the rest of the day,
Wonder what my liver would say,
Drink… That’s all you can.

Blackened days With their bigger gales,
Blow in your parlor to discuss the day,
Listen… That’s all you can.

Ah but don’t, no don’t sink the boat,
That you built, you built to keep afloat.
Ah no don’t, no don’t sink the boat,
That you built.

Sick and tired of what to say,
No one listens anyway,
Sing… That’s all you can.

Rambling years of lousy luck,
Ya miss the smell of burning turf,
Dream… That’s all you can.

Ah but don’t, no don’t sink the boat,
That you Built, you built to keep afloat,
Ah no don’t, no don’t sink the boat,
That you built… That you built to keep afloat.

Singled out for who you are,
It takes all types to judge a man,
Feel… That’s all you can.

Filthy suits with bigot ears,
Hide behind their their own worst fears,
Live… That’s all you can.

It’s all you can.
It’s all you can… do.

No matter where I put my head,
I wake up feeling sound again,
Breathe… It’s all you can.

Tomorrow smells of less decay,
The flowers create this blooming fray,
Be thankful… That’s all you can.

Ah but don’t, don’t sink the boat,
That you Built, you built to keep afloat.
Ah no don’t, no don’t sink the boat,
That you built… you built to keep afloat.

Ah no don’t, no don’t sink the boat,
That you built, that you built to keep afloat.

A ripe old age,
A ripe old age,
I’m a ripe old age,
That’s what I am.

I’m a ripe old age,
A ripe old age,
A ripe old age,
Just doing the best I can.

A ripe old age,
A ripe old age,
A ripe old age,
That’s what I am!

A ripe old age,
A ripe old age,
A ripe old age,
Just doing the best I can!

The best I can!

~

Fighting hard to not sink the boat. Hoping like hell that tomorrow smells of less decay. I’m doing the best I can. Are you?

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So I Skipped Another Day (AKA 5-Day Song Challenge: Day 4)

Yesterday was insanity at work. Mostly good insanity. I love when I get to not do my job and do something completely different. (Not even sarcasm.) I interviewed several people for a management program we’re kicking off in about two weeks, and then the dreaded meetings (which I actually like when the people are normal, productive and cool).

So yeah, no posty. And now today, some fucked-up I hope it’s not a medical emergency shit going on with me. But I’m posting anyway, because damnit I’m trying to be here.

And since I’m in a fuck society punk rock place at the moment, I’ll share some with you.

The Song:

Smallpox Champion – Fugazi

A nice, solid, damn-the-man punk rock song.

The Lyrics:

Smallpox Champion of the U S of A
Give natives some blankets warm like the grave
This is the pattern cut from the cloth
This is the pattern designed to take you right out

This is the frontier with winter’s so cold
Greed informs action where action makes bold
To take all the cotton that’s cut from the stalk
Weave in the the disease that’s gonna wipe you right out

What is good for the future
What is good for the past – won’t last

Bury your heart U S of A
History rears up to spit in your face
You saw what you wanted, you took what you saw
We know how you got it- your method equals wipe out
The end of the future and all that you own
Under the blankets of all that you’ve done
Memory serves us to serve you yet
Memory serves us to never let you wipe out

Cha-cha-cha-champion you’ll get yours
Wipe out

~

So this is a heavy one and more than a bit “political.” I wrapped that word in quotation marks, because I think it’s a cop-out to dub genocide a political issue as a justification of sidestepping uncomfortable topics.

If you’re into punk rock, you’ll dig it. Love me some Fugazi.

5-Day Song Challenge: Le Troisième Chanson

What up, peopleaneous! I’m sleepy but hopped up on truckstop caffeine (and not of the coffee variety because spew). I gotta stay awake so I can tutor after work and then go to a comedy show. Yeah baby!

This post is the third of five songs I’ll offer up for the 5-day song challenge. (By the way, you’re all challenged to join in. If you wanna.) Let’s get into today’s song selection.

Today’s Song:

Not Afraid – Eminem

It’s tough to choose one song – or hell, even just five songs for this challenge. I wanted to use Pearl Jam’s Black. Or DMB’s Grey Street. Or Bob Marley and The Wailers’ Three Little Birds. But bleh. I keep changing my mind. Hmph.

This one, though. Eminem’s Not Afraid, while not my favorite of his tracks, is an important song for me. For where I’m at. For flipping the middle finger to the world and holding my head up high, walking tall and strong so I can keep on keepin’ on. Some days are easier than others – today is easier than yesterday. And some weeks are harder than others. This week is tough as fuck compared to last week. One day at a time. One hour at a time. One motherfucking minute at a time. Right this minute?

I’m not afraid.

Let’s dive into the lyrics. Do y’all love lyrics as much as I do? I’m a lyric fiend. Love the tunes, the melody, etc. But the lyrics? That’s where I live. If you’re one of those weirdos that hates words but has a fucking BLOG, then just listen.

The Lyrics:

I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)

Yeah, it’s been a ride
I guess I had to, go to that place, to get to this one
Now some of you, might still be in that place
If you’re trying to get out, just follow me
I’ll get you there

You can try and read my lyrics off of this paper before I lay ’em
But you won’t take the sting out these words before I say ’em
Cause ain’t no way I’ma let you stop me from causing mayhem
When I say I’ma do something I do it,
I don’t give a damn what you think,
I’m doing this for me, so fuck the world
Feed it beans, it’s gassed up, if it thinks it’s stopping me
I’ma be what I set out to be, without a doubt undoubtedly
And all those who look down on me I’m tearing down your balcony
No ifs, ands or buts, don’t try to ask him why or how can he
From “Infinite” down to the last “Relapse” album
He’s still shitting, whether he’s on salary paid hourly
Until he bows out or he shits his bowels out of him
Whichever comes first, for better or worse
He’s married to the game, like a fuck you for Christmas
His gift is a curse, forget the Earth, he’s got the urge
To pull his dick from the dirt, and fuck the whole universe

I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)

Okay quit playing with the scissors and shit, and cut the crap
I shouldn’t have to rhyme these words in the rhythm for you to know it’s a rap
You said you was king, you lied through your teeth, for that
Fuck your fillings, instead of getting crowned you’re getting capped
And to the fans, I’ll never let you down again, I’m back
I promise to never go back on that promise, in fact
Let’s be honest, that last “Relapse” CD was ehhh
Perhaps I ran them accents into the ground
Relax, I ain’t going back to that now
All I’m trying to say is get back, click-clack, blow
Cause I ain’t playing around
It’s a game called circle and I don’t know how, I’m way too up to back down
But I think I’m still trying to figure this crap out
Thought I had it mapped out but I guess I didn’t, this fucking black cloud
Still follows me around but it’s time to exorcise these demons
These motherfuckers are doing jumping jacks now!

I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)

And I just can’t keep living this way
So starting today, I’m breaking out of this cage
I’m standing up, I’ma face my demons
I’m manning up, I’ma hold my ground
I’ve had enough, now I’m so fed up
Time to put my life back together right now! (now)

It was my decision to get clean, I did it for me
Admittedly, I probably did it subliminally
For you, so I could come back a brand new me you helped see me through
And don’t even realize what you did, ’cause believe me you
I been through the ringer, but they could do little to the middle finger
I think I got a tear in my eye, I feel like the king of
My world, haters can make like bees with no stingers
And drop dead, no more beef lingers
No more drama from now on, I promise
To focus solely on handling my responsibilities as a father
So I solemnly swear to always treat this roof, like my daughters
And raise it, you couldn’t lift a single shingle on it!
Cause the way I feel, I’m strong enough to go to the club
Or the corner pub, and lift the whole liquor counter up
Cause I’m raising the bar
I’d shoot for the moon but I’m too busy gazing at stars
I feel amazing and I’m…

I’m not afraid (I’m not afraid)
To take a stand (to take a stand)
Everybody (everybody)
Come take my hand (come take my hand)
We’ll walk this road together, through the storm
Whatever weather, cold or warm
Just letting you know that you’re not alone
Holler if you feel like you’ve been down the same road (same road)

~

I’m gonna let these lyrics stand on their own. It’s difficult for me to select specific parts that mean more to me than others, but I’ve boldified the ones that touch me the deepest.

Enjoy. And remember; you’re not alone.

5-Day Song Challenge: Day Numero Twovius

So yeah, this was probably supposed to be a consecutive post thingy, yeah? Yeah. As much as I like thingies, I couldn’t post this weekend. I mean, I could have, but yeah. Yeah. A lot of “yeahs” in this post? Had you noticed, or did I just point it out for you and make it worse? …yeah.

I already did the intro and rule thingies in numero the first post. So I’ll get right to today’s song.

Ahem.

Today’s Song(Bet you didn’t see that coming. Cuz I’m suave. Like Rico.)

Feel it Still – Portugal. The Man

This is a new song, and I’m digging the hell out of it. It’s extremely overplayed on a local station, but I don’t mind (yet – I will soon hate the song with the rage of a thousand scorned dragonflies (you thought I was gonna say “women” didn’t you?)).

Have some lyrics in your faceholes. The two little ones that (usually) have eyeballs stuffed in them. The Lyrics:

Can’t keep my hands to myself
Think I’ll dust ’em off, put ’em back up on the shelf
In case my little baby girl is in need
Am I coming out of left field?

Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks, now
I been feeling it since 1966, now
Might be over now, but I feel it still
Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks, now
Let me kick it like it’s 1986, now
Might be over now, but I feel it still

Got another mouth to feed
Leave her with a babysitter, mama, call the gravedigger
Gone with the fallen leaves
Am I coming out of left field?

Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks now,
I been feeling it since 1966, now
Might’ve had your fill, but you feel it still
Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks, now
Let me kick it like it’s 1986, now
Might be over now, but I feel it still

We could fight a war for peace
(Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks, now)
Give in to that easy livin’
Goodbye to my hopes and dreams
Stop flipping for my enemies

We could wave until the walls come down
(Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks now)
It’s time to give a little tip
Kids in the middle, move over ’til it falls
Don’t bother me

Is it coming?
Is it coming?
Is it coming?
Is it coming?
Is it coming?
Is it coming back?

Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks, yeah
Your love is an abyss for my heart to eclipse, now
Might be over now, but I feel it still

Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks, now
I’ve been feeling it since 1966, now
Might be over now, but I feel it still
Ooh woo, I’m a rebel just for kicks, now
Let me kick it like it’s 1986, now
Might be over now, but I feel it still
Might’ve had your fill, but you feel it still

~

It feels to me like this song is about quite a few things. I did bold some of the lyrics that I like the most – or are the most meaningful to me.

For the most part, to me it’s a song that has a fun feel and makes me move. As for the lyrics, there are a lot of things and even people about which and whom I can say, “I feel it still.” Might be over now, but I feel it still. I haven’t had my fill.

As for what or whom those things and people may be? I think I’ll keep that bit to myself. For now.

5-Day Song Challenge: Day the First (Or: Slow Cheetahs are not faster than me.)

The awesome Rob at The V-Pub invited me to do a song-a-day challenge thingy. And since I love songs. And thingies. I decided to participate. Plus, it gives me extra incentive to actually show up every day for five days straight. What! To think I once posted every day for like forty days. Who was THAT person?

Anyhoodles. I love – and agree with – what Rob says about music: “It’s something that speaks to individuals in different ways. It’s universal and paradoxically personal.” Yes. That. Yes.

So. Yes. Rules. How I love thee, rules. (Did you hear that? I just snorted.)

Rule Thingies:
Post a song a day for five consecutive days. (Oh shit.)
Post what the lyrics mean to you. (Optional. Sweet. I like options. And crawfish. Damnit, I miss crawfish. Oops.)
Post the name of the song and video. (Not optional. Come on, dudes. This is supposed to be the easy part.)
Nominate 1 or 2 bloggers each day of the challenge. (Fuck.)

Today’s Song

Slow Cheetah – Red Hot Chili Peppers

Yep. Gotta start off with my current favorite Peppers song. (Peppers favorites shift for me. But right now, it’s Slow Cheetah.) Have a listen and take a look at the lyrics, and you’ll see why.

The Lyrics:

Waking up dead inside of my head
Will never never do there is no med
No medicine to take

I’ve had a chance to be insane
Asylum from the falling rain
I’ve had a chance to break

It’s so bad it’s got to be good
Mysterious girl misunderstood
Dressed like a wedding cake

Any other day and I might play
A funeral march for Bonnie Brae
Why try and run away

Slow cheetah come
Before my forest
Looks like it’s on today

Slow cheetah come
It’s so euphoric
No matter what they say

I know a girl
She worked in a store
She knew not what
Her life was for
She barely knew her name

They tried to tell her
She would never be
As happy as the girl
In the magazine
She bought it with her pay

Slow cheetah come
Before my forest
Looks like it’s on today

Slow cheetah come
It’s so euphoric
No matter what they say

Everyone has
So much to say
They talk talk talk
Their lives away
Don’t even hesitate

Walking on down
To the burial ground
It’s a very old dance
With a merry old sound
Looks like it’s on today

Slow cheetah come
Before my forest
Looks like it’s on today

Slow cheetah come
It’s so euphoric
No matter what they say

Slow cheetah come
Before my forest
Looks like it’s on today

Slow cheetah come
It’s so euphoric
No matter what they say

~

I’ve added emphasis to the lyrics that resonate the most with me and, therefore, mean the most and hit me the hardest.

I’m not one to look up song meanings. I’d rather listen. Feel. Soak. On my own. I don’t want someone telling me what the takeaway is. Not even the singer/songwriter. Music is so deeply personal, and lyrics are so often the poetry of my soul.

I don’t need someone to tell me that Slow Cheetah is about being: lost, adrift, alone, aimless, pointless, worthless. And fucking numb and over it all. It’s…euphoric. Right? No matter what they say. And I sure as hell don’t need someone telling me that not what it’s about. Even if it really isn’t. After all…everyone has so much to say, they talk talk talk their lives away. But this song…is deeply personal to me. And for me, it has become about survival in spite of myself, no matter what they say.

Because this is one of the many songs I attribute to saving my life. Even on days when I barely knew my name, this and countless other songs spoke me in the dark. Made me feel seen. Understood. Part of something – even a dark something – and therefore less alone. Not alone. I’ve had a chance to break, so I took that chance – even against my will – and I’m still. Fucking. Here. And no matter what the fucking predatory depression says or does…I’m not alone.

No matter what they say.

Playlist Party: 90s Grunge Rock

I’ve been in a total Grunge Rock mood today. Alice in Chains, Pearl Jam, Stone Temple Pilots…you get the idea. And it occurred to me that I (don’t think) I’ve done a playlist for this particular sort of music. It further occurred to me that that’s bullshit and must change. Now.

So. I’d love if you contribute. You know I love jammin’ out, and it’s a 90s jams day. Preferably not like…you know, the boy bands. They have their place and all, and that place is (generally) not here. So. Wanna rock with me? Show me what you got.

I’ll start us off. (P.S. You can share links if you wish, but last time I tried a meet & greet, it was a straight up bust. But I hope you’ll at least join in the jam sesh. (I said sesh. Which makes me question what has happened to the state of my cool factor.))

Let’s kick it off with what I’m currently listening to.

Pearl Jam – Even Flow

Next up, a little ditty from my (hands-down) favorite 90s grunge rock group. And just look at Layne’s messy 90s hair. Yum. (I realize many of them have it, but this is some of the best. Except blonde.)

Alice in Chains – Man in the Box

Everybody needs some Aussie now and then. They’re next.

Silverchair – Anthem for the Year 2000

And sex. That’s popular, too, right? Yes. Yes, it is. Though the next song isn’t exactly sexy, despite the title.

Stone Temple Pilots – Sex Type Thing

Hmm. What can I say about the next one without being explicit? Nothing. So I shall only say, allow me to present my Bush.

Bush – Machinehead

Speaking of bushes, what about gardens?

Soundgarden – Pretty Noose

I had to be an adult to truly appreciate the next one. Now? Yes, please.

Nine Inch Nails – Closer

You’ll notice the next ones are the last on my list. They deserve to be here, regardless of being influential but highly overrated.

Nirvana – Heart-Shaped Box

~

Aside from RHCP, 90s grunge rock is what I listen to more than anything, I think. That hasn’t been the case lately. But today starts another kick of it, I think. Yeah.

Your turn! What would you add to this list?

The Getaway (Don’t worry. I’m not referring to an evacuation. This one’s not about assbutts. Oops.)

Listening to RHCP’s new album.
Digging it.
It’s warm and funky and quite mellow.
I’m on my third listen.
It has its weak points, but overall I’m loving it.
To give you an idea, most of it would fit in well on Stadium Arcadium.
Beats the shit outta the last album, which I found decent but haven’t gone back for repeat listens.
Now if the fuckers would tour more than the festival circuit or overseas.

It’s an interesting background for filling out the ten-page assbutts paperwork.
Got the paperwork from the anal prober today.
Went ahead and bought the mix for liquid fire.
And now I’m filling out the riveting medical questionnaire.
It’s so entertaining that I’m cheating on it with you.

In other news, I forgot to show you my bottle of eyeballs.
Wanna see?
You totally wanna see.

image

I’m all talked out, really. So I’m gonna bombard you with totally random snaps.
Ready?
Ready.

image
From the park last weekend.
image
Who knew Mother Nature was such a perv? I did, that’s who.
image
I love passive aggressive office notes. This is my latest find. I tried to find a magazine to clip letters out and glue “NO” in kidnapper-style letters. Missed opportunity right there.
image
Coworker found this smushed Cutie at the bottom of her bag. I kept it.
image
Trusty docs I’ve had since 7th grade. They were on a heavily discounted sale, because they’re a super unpopular style, so mom bought a pair for me. They’re a full size too big….she thought I’d grow into them. That’s some poor people logic right there. Needless to say, the eight times a year I wear them require three pairs of socks.
image
God I love search terms.
image
UNhappy with the condition I found my camera in after I let someone borrow it.

That is all.

Happy Friday.

 

Playlist Party: An Adventurous Musical Meet & Greet

Howdy Peopleaneous!

Don’t you just love that word? “Howdy”? Probably not, but maybe I can change your mind. My mamaw always used that word in greeting. “Howdy, Steph,” she’d say with a grin, in her warm, gravelly smoker’s voice. Steph. She just had to call me Steph. Hell, everyone did. I don’t know why it bothered me so much. But when Mamaw said, “Howdy, Steph!,” it didn’t matter.

I loved it. Some people teased her for it, but she kept on saying “howdy” anyway. And so I adopted it, early on. But I mostly only greeted her that way. Mostly.

Until she passed.

And now I say it at work, lots. “Howdy, Gary!” “Howdy, Richard!” “Howdy, y’all!”

People laugh, as though the joke’s on me for being weird. And I’m okay with that. Because Mamaw. I tell them about her when I can, but mostly I just grin and let them go on wondering what sort of weirdo says howdy anymore. And in those moments, I’m smirking with Mamaw and feel all warm and wistful.

So there. Howdy Peopleaneous!

An Adventurous Musical Meet & Greet

It’s been ages since we’ve done a Meet & Greet, so let’s do it! You know I like to mix music into them, so if you want to participate on that front as well it would be superduper! I’m thinking the theme for this Playlist Party slash Meet & Greet should be Adventure – Moving On – Starting Over. I need a playlist for songs like that – any genre is welcome. Even if it’s country, I’ll try not to cringe and call you names. Any genre, any time/decade. I’ll start us off in a minute.

But first, the Meet & Greet! Let’s see. These things usually need “Rules,” but I don’t like Rules. So let’s call them Meet & Greet Ideas:

  1. Give us a link to your about or a favorite post of yours or both – and tell us a little about you if you’d like!
  2. Give us a link to a blog you’re crazy about, or a post that touched you in some way, written by someone else – let’s spread the love!
  3. Share a song about adventure or starting over. (If you don’t have a song idea, you’re still part of this Meet & Greet!)
  4. Reblog or link to this post – let’s see how many new people we can meet y’all!

So let’s see. Lemme start us off by following the “rules,” myself:

My favorite recent post of mine: The Wallpaper. This one’s deeply personal to me, but I was also proud of and surprised by how it turned out.

~

A favorite blog of mine: Stupidity Hole. Go. Clicky. Now. I’ll wait. Waiting. Have you gone yet? Good. Are you back yet? Good.

Dude is awesome, and his writing and photography are fun, unique and fucking gorgeous. Check out this post where he talks about his photography, and make sure to check out his shop as well.

I own some of his prints, and they’re gorgeous. I’m frustrated as fuck that I can’t hang them yet. Soon! I’m keeping them protected until PNW. Then I can use them to start decorating my new pad. Word.

~

Now. Music. I’ll kick us off with a few jams about Starting Over, Moving On, Adventure… you get the idea.

To Starting Over

Promise, by Hey Rosetta!

Float On, by Modest Mouse

Time to Move On, by Tom Petty and The Heartbreakers

The Getaway, by Leisure Cruise

Road Trippin’, by Red Hot Chili Peppers

Ramble On, by Led Zeppelin

There are so many, but I don’t want to list a couple dozen songs. I’d rather see what y’all come up with!

~

So come on. Share your blog links – tell us why you kick ass! Share someone else’s blog – tell us why he or she kicks ass! Share some music – tell us why it kicks ass!

In other words…come kick ass with me! Let’s see how many blog links we can generate this time!

~

This post brought to you by:

Asses, specifically those that kick or even those in need of kicking.

Stupidity Hole, because every ass needs a hole. Wait. No. That’s not the best way to introduce him. He’s more than just a hole. Lemme try again.

Brought to you by Stupidity Hole, because Pensive Pug. And also because he said I have to post something today. So I dragged his ass into it!

Stephellany Update: The Good, the Bad, the Terrible, the Fucking Lame, and the Motherfucking Awesome (A Post of Random Catching-Up Pigshit)

Good Evening dearest Peopleaneous. Let me start with the most important point to be made in this post: Pigshit. Yes, that’s right. Pigshit. I’ve recently replaced “bullshit” with “pigshit.” I find it good and pleasing and shall henceforth deem bullshit pigshit. Until I replace it with doveshit (isn’t that like the ultimate dichotomy? OH MY GOSH THAT WOULD BE A PEACE OF SHIT! GET IT? GET IT?) or dungbeetleballs. Ooooo. DungBeetleBalls! New word! New word!

Okay dudes. This post is going to be the epitome of “stephellaneous,” a veritable smorgasbord (damn it’s been too long since I used that word) of random updates. I know I have been MIA for 14 years, 3 months, 2 days, 11 hours and 28 seconds. And I also know I have 18 billion comments to reply to. I haven’t forgotten y’all or this space. It’s just. Well. Let’s take this Stephanie Style, shall we? (No, that’s not a new sexual position. Although…aaaaand she’s off!)

TOP UNKNOWN NUMBER OF REASONS THAT I’VE BEEN MISSING IN ACTION. OR MISSING IN INACTION. OR SOMETHING. I’LL LEAVE THAT TO YOU,PEOPLEANEOUS. FUCKIN’ HELL, WHAT IS MY PROBLEM WITH HEADINGS. BETTER YET, WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM WITH HEADERS? LONG HEADINGS ARE MY JAM, MAN. OR MEN, WOMEN AND KAITLYN. SHUT UP, YOU KNOW I’M NOT PC. SO KISS IT. PEACE OUT, HEADER.

Where-the-fuck--Have-you-been-meme-13097

Number 1: Ha. You think I’m gonna use a normal numbering system. That’s cute. Anyway. As I mentioned in some weird, typo-laden pone-post, I can no longer post from work. They’ve done some security update that renders WP’s security certificate obsolete. Whatever hardcore security they have does not apply to my laptop. But I do my writing at work, when I’m slow (which is often). By the time I get home after work and tutoring, I don’t have much time to write after food, chores, packing, applications, conversing, etc. Wait, ohmygosh, those were spoiler alerts. Fuck me, man. (Seriously.) So. Number 1 could be condensed as such: Because my work computers suck dungbeetleballs.

Numéro deux: Doesn’t the Bible say something about there not being another flood of biblical magnitude? That book lied. I got lucky, not even gonna pretend I didn’t. Most of the houses in my neighborhood flooded. Well, at least half. The water came within roughly an inch of coming into the house. But it didn’t, since my house is far enough off of the ground. The car flooded up well over the seats. But mold and stinkies pale in comparison to the people who were stranded for days. It pales in comparison to the lives lost. It pales in comparison to the hundreds of people now displaced and homeless. So. Yeah that’s kinda put a damper on trying to blog.

Idadi ya Tatu: My health is being a fucking dick. (As an aside, why is it okay for us to use “dick” as a curseword, but we balk at using “pussy” as such? At least I do. Whatever.) Seriously. Y’all know I broke my left foot last summer, and the cause of the pain (the two breaks) weren’t discovered until the MRI in January. I was only supposed to wear the frankenboot for three weeks. But that bitch still hurt like a motherfucker, so I kept wearing it. And wearing it. And wearing it. And then my right foot started hurting. I mean, big time. I did some digging, and it turns out I wore it far too long. Apparently, it’s common to sustain injuries on the opposite side if one wears frankenboot for too long. (I also think the damn thing was too big for me to begin with.) I can’t prove my right foot is broken yet. But I seem my rheumatologist Friday. Something tells me he’s going to order another MRI as the right foot is now bruised and swollen and incredibly painful. This in addition to daily headaches returning in spite of following some awesome advice (thanks Ms. Fever!). And my tiny little finger/toe bones hurting. And the massive chest pain that started as soon as my Lamictal was updosed. I see that bitch on April 2. I’m going to request that I be incremented down and then off of EVERYTHING except the drug that helps me sleep. And then I’m going to start the long hunt for someone who knows what they’re doing. (Trust me, this is the right move. She most recently tried to prescribe an anti-psychotic that was only just approved in fucking October. Also. PSYCHOSIS. WHAT? And she also diagnosed me as in the throes of a full-blown panic attack………….because my leg was bouncing and I was restless. Yeah. Can we say Quack Attack?) Enough of that bullshit. Next!

A bit angry – posting it for one reason: the line, “What the fuck is wrong with me?!”

Nommer Vier:Uhm. What’s next? Ah. Job hunting for the Greater Seattle Area. I started out on my own, but I felt incredibly overwhelmed (anxiety for the win!). So I reached out to multiple recruiters up there. The first one was an utter quack. Fo’ real yo. So I moved on. The next one to contact me was super eager, so I’ve been working with her. She’s covering the southern part of the Greater Seattle Area and has now put me in touch with another recruiter to cover the northern part. We were going to have a team of three, but she thinks we’ll be good. So far, we have about a dozen applications outstanding. All are still open and haven’t hit their deadlines yet. So between the three of us, hopefully I’ll at least start landing interviews soon. Been tweaking my resume, cover letters and prepping for interview questions in the meantime. Also. That woman has me applying to stuff at twice the salary range I thought I could land. She told me I was way underselling myself. So yay. But that’s yet another reason I’ve been busy and MIA.

Номер пять:I’ve had to put off listing the house. First, I’m having trouble with some repairs that need to be done. The ex was supposed to do them (as his name is still on the deed, even though I pay all bills). But he’s stalling. Big time. But with all the flooding, even the most basic repairmen are price gouging. I’m doing what I can on my own, but there are things I’m just not able to do. Also. Speaking of the flood yet again, the houses in my neighborhood that did flood still have all of the detritus of their lives lining the roads: furniture, walls, carpet, did I mention walls?, keepsakes, etc. So it would not behoove me to shove a for-sale sign in the front yard until the city takes care of the debris. But once it does, at least I’ll have the advantage of saying this house didn’t flood.

Numero kuusi: (That one sounds so sexual. Is it just me? It’s just me. My bad.) Met an online friend that I’ve known for a decade. He says six years. Whatever. It was our first time meeting up in person, so that was pretty fucking awesome. I’ve never done anything like that, so I can’t say enough how superfuckingawesome it was. (I know you’re reading this. So. I’ll just say: Hi!) Also, he’s gonna do a guest post for me soon. Kickass writer, so y’all will dig it. Trust.

Rhif Saith: I’ve been playing around with fiction, which doesn’t really come easily to me. I’ve been told it’s because I haven’t freed myself to do it. My self-perception hinders my progress. Or clouds my view of what I’m capable of or what I’ve already done. But I’ve been playing around. Even wrote something for a friend the other day at his prompting. Perhaps I’ll throw it up here after some tweaking. We shall see.

Númer Átta: I have a trip in April that I’ve been planning, slowly but surely. Mid-April, I’m heading up to Seattle for a visit. No interviews yet, just gonna have a look around. And a lot of you know the main reason I’m going for a visit. So that’s been overwhelming for me and has taken my head out of the blogging game for a bit. I already have tickets and hotel room booked. Got a little carry-on travel bag – that’s gonna be a serious challenge for a woman. Fuck worrying about stereotypes; it’s fucking true. How am I gonna pack three pairs of shoes, more clothes than I’ll wear in six days, a book or four, my 18,000 meds, ahhhhhh. Yeah, that’s gonna be a huge challenge. But I want that bitch to be a carry-on. Fuck paying to check a bag. Plus wheels get broken and shit. Fuck that noise.

Nummer neun: Perhaps the most important of all, I’ve been trying to figure out who the fuck I am. What makes me tick. What I want. Where I’m headed. How I matter. What my purpose is. Why I’m here. What my future looks like. City life is NOT what I want. I hope to live as cheaply as possible and bank mad savings so I can live a peripatetic life in the forests, woods, beaches, cultures of the world, and a cozy little shack to return to now and then to recharge my batteries. But the shit I wanna do takes money. The experiences I wanna have takes money. Fucking money. I fucking hate money. I hate the constructs of this false existence. I don’t want to exist. I want to live. I want reality. The real reality. And the bitch of it is, the fact that I see things for what they are is a huge source of my anxiety and depression. Cool how that works, huh?

paripatetic
This applies to my soul, my dreams, my desires, my all. Give me a peripatetic lifestyle and a soul-lover to share it with, and I’ll be content.
Số Mười: I’ve been in another depressive phase, basically since I wrote that post about having a major panic attack and spiraling downward. So I have zero faith in the current med cocktail I’m on. I’m not saying I’m averse to trying something else. But this shit is not working. Not kidding. I’m damn near back to where I was before I started this mental health journey. I wish I had the blinders on that so many others seem to. In the meantime, I’ll just keep trudging along. Treading water is surely better than drowning in it, yes? Most days that’s what I tell myself.
Disclaimer: I don’t have time to edit this right now. Forgive egregious errors. Meds kicked in, and I’m out. Also, the douchenozzle that is WordPress is fucking with my spacing between words and lines. Looks fine in my editor. Fucked to hell and back on the actual site. Fuck it. I’m out! Night my friends!

Music Tag: Because Music Gets Me High

Moose & Michelle at The Lonely Tribalist tagged me in a fun little music game. And I’m gonna do it! Because. Uhm. Because!

Onezo: Because it sounds fun! And fun is fun! And Moose & Michelle are cool!
Twozo: Because I’m busy as fuck! And fuck is busy! And I’m also stressed and depressed and scared about the flooding!
Threezo: Because MUSIC! Oh! Oh yeah, and I don’t know what the hell else to write. Woo!

The Rules (that you know I probably won’t follow) are as follows:

  1. List the first 10 songs that come on shuffle (no skipsies cheaterfaces).
  2. Then write your favorite lyric (or verse) from each song.
  3. Tag/link your enemies, frienemies, friends, puppies, presidential candidates, whatevs. FYI. You fuckin’ already know: Y’all are ALL tagged. Tagging makes me uncomfortable. Almost as uncomfortable as wedgies. Almost. So all y’all are tagged. It’s fun. Dooo eeet.

Now let the games begin!

Music Wallpapers 7

SHE BE SUFFLIN’

Song the First: Elastic Heart by Sia
Favorite Verse: Very difficult to choose my favorite part on this one. But the following won out for its fierce will to fight and survive.

And I will stay up through the night
Let’s be clear, won’t close my eyes
And I know that I can survive
I’ll walk through fire to save my life

~

Song the Second: Diss Never (Dig Up We History) by Tricky
Favorite Verse: I love the flow and style this verse.

But when them missing, them can hold bad man responsible
But a true that a bad man job is invincible
But when them missing, them can hold marathon responsible
But a true that a man job is invincible

~

Song the Third: Modern American Gypsy by Big D and the Kids Table
Favorite Verse:

Some of us are born to not assimilate at all

~

Song the Fourth: Knock Me Down by Red Hot Chili Peppers
Favorite Verse:

Don’t be afraid to show your friends
That you hurt inside, inside
Pain’s part of life; don’t hide behind your false pride
It’s a lie, your lie

~

Song the Fifth: Cotopaxi by The Mars Volta
Favorite Verse:

Don’t beat around the pulpit there is no lost and found
Where is the devil waiting trying to disguise?
I’ve seen what you used to look like
Down here you won’t survive

~

Song the Sixth: Obvious Child by Paul Simon
Favorite Verse:

Well I’m accustomed to a smooth ride
Or maybe I’m a dog who’s lost its bite
I don’t expect to be treated like a fool no more
I don’t expect to sleep through the night

~

Song the Seventh: I Touch Myself by Divinyls
Favorite Verse: Uhm… I’m just. I’m just gonna drop the song and move on…

~

Song the Eighth: Wu-Tang Clan Ain’t Nuthing Ta Fuck Wit by Wu-Tang Clan
Favorite Verse:

And if you want the beef, then bring the ruckus
Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nuttin ta fuck wit
Straight from the motherfuckin slums that’s busted
Wu-Tang Clan ain’t nuttin ta fuck wit

~

Song the Ninth: Death is the Road to Awe by Clint Mansell & The Kronos Quartet
Favorite Verse: (Instrumental)

~

Song the Tenth: Iron by Woodkid
Favorite Verse: Oooo, I totally forgot about this song.

From the dawn of time to the end of days
I will have to run, away
I want to feel the pain and the bitter taste
Of the blood on my lips, again

~

This was cool and fun – certainly interesting to see what came up. A lot of these things I haven’t listened to in ages. And I’m shocked I didn’t get more 90s grunge rock or some of the heavy shit I was recently plowing through. And 80s! Where are the 80s, man?!

Thanks for inviting me to participate, Moose & Michelle!

The rest of y’all: get on this shit. It’s neato!