One of my new favorite things to do is go to a barcade. It’s a place for grownups, where distinguished ladies and gentlemen meet up to…whoop each others’ asses at arcade games, while getting nice and toasty on beer (ahem: cider for me, please) and sharing some sloppy-ass nachos (not to be confused with sloppy ass-nachos).
Louisiana girl here had never heard of barcades before. (Do y’all call ’em barcades? Cuz that’s just me doing my portmanteau thing. But I bet I’m not the first on this one.) One of my date people person dudes took me to one, and I’ve been hooked ever since. You wanna see The Stephanie in full form – giggling, talking smack, cursing and laughing and choking on cider, raising fists into the air – in either victory or defeat (people are SUCH cheaters, I swear) – take her to a barcade.
I’ve only been twice now, but I will be going back. With sacks of quarters (hehe she said sacks), a 15-year-old mentality and a winning streak itching to be released. Hashtag suckmytopscorebitches.
The second time I went was just a couple of weeks back, and it kickstarted a wave of drama that I semi-anticipated but am still supremely disappointed by. People are such brainless dickwhistles. It would be fun to watch them running around, scratching their heads (you know, the ones between their legs) and launching all sorts of wild accusations…if I weren’t one half of the target.
A former coworker (from Louisiana – formerly known as P. Whipped right here on Stephellaneland) and semi-friend was passing through Portland. He was on an epic Road Trip slash Personal Quest slash Work Assignment, and he messaged me on his last night in Portland – letting me know he was in town, asking if I’d be interested in meeting up for drinks. I’m like, dude. Dude, Yeah! Where’s the fire! I told him about the barcade, and he was down. Because DUH BARCADE.
We met there, and I commenced to smashing him on pinball and old-school arcade games. He cheated a few times and “won.” We had drinks and laughs and traded stories about the shitty stuff that lead us each to begin our Personal Quests. He took a selfie of us – aka The Selfie Heard Round the World. And then? You guessed it. He posted in on Facebook. Made it a public post so the whole world can see it.
So. Fucking. What.
Right?
Wrong.
Because apparently, nowadays, first comes pinball, then comes marriage the fuckening. Back in Douchetown, Louisiana, I’m becoming known as the girl who banged Anklebiter’s fiance relationship detritus that she threw away for the dude she was (allegedly) cheating with. What. On Earth. Gave them that idea?
Why, the smiling selfie taken in a barcade on “Henry’s” last night in Portland, of course! Nevermind the fact that we were at the same shindig maybe three times when I still lived in Douchetown. Nevermind the fact that I didn’t think the dude even knew my name before that night. NEVERFUCKINGMIND the fact that PINBALL shouldn’t imply that I was interested in playing with HISBALLS.
For fucks sake, what is wrong with people? I had two ciders. He had about five crown & cokes. We played arcade games for about 2 hours, then chatted for about an hour. He gave me a hug just before I walked back to my car and drove back to my apartment, and he took an über back to his hotel. He left the entire state the next morning. And guess what? I don’t owe that explanation to anyone.
But nooooo. I’m a homewrecker (in a situation where there is no home to wreck). A PINBALL PLAYING WHOREMOUTH. I need a Scarlet P. I’ll sew it onto my homewrecker cape, right above my high score. And a new selfie of me flipping off Senorita Anklebiter and her minions.
Signed,
The Pinball Prostitute
*Thanks to Tikeetha for reminding me of this gem. I used to go around singing it, but I’d forgotten about it somewhere along the way. Highly appropriate for today!
“Date person people dudes” BUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!
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I thought it sounded sufficiently ambivalent. (More like, I didn’t know what the hell to call him and not sure I even remember his name.)
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LOL!!! Oh, girl. You kill me!! 😂💀
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Ohmyfuck, Alex. His name was Alex.
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Hahahaha! As funny as ever! Two posts in two and a half days – c’est incroyable! 😁😁👍🐈😻
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Hehehe thank you! 😀 Hell, I’m surprised, too!
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She’s back!!!! 😁😁😁😁
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Boogie boogie yay! We’ll see… 😛
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No pressure. I have low expectations in life. Hahaha. How are the kitties? 🐈🐈
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I’m still working on lowering mine. Makes for fewer disappointments.
The boys are finally happy and settled! They were miserable at the first place I landed here in Oregon. But they’re finally settled in and relaxing. Playing and acting up again. Makes me happy. 🙂
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Yay! So glad to hear the boys are all settled in now. We will also be moving soon. Don’t know where yet. Hope my ‘gals’ will be okay with wherever we’re going.
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WHA?! But but but I haven’t visited you up there yet! Are you moving closer or farther?!
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I really don’t know yet (not trying to be mysterious). Maybe within the country (a couple of hours south or several hours east), or outside of the country altogether. I will keep you posted, mon amie! 😁🐈
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Deal – and regardless of where you end up, I hope it’s a GOOD thing.
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Merci beaucoup, Stéphanie. I also hope it will be a good thing. Still can’t believe lI’m chatting with you again. Je rêve, ou quoi? 😊
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Non, à moins que nous ayons le même rêve! 🙂
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Oui, c’est vrai! Vois-tu ce que je vois? C’est un OVNI! 😁😁
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Oh mon dieu! OVNI! Hahaha! 😀 😀
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😁😁😁😁
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Nope. You don’t owe anybody jackshit. Ignore it. It’s not a battle worth fighting, especially if you’re not planning on returning to Douchetown any time soon. Haters gonna hate. Pfft. 😃
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Heh! My sentiments, exactly. He ended up just blocking all of ’em. If they start up again after today, I’m doing the same. It got to me at first, not so much now because I realized that, for people like that, even the truth wouldn’t change a thing. They believe what they want to believe – and they’ve gotta be miserable to thrive on manufactured drama. Ain’t nobody got time for that. 😛
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Hahaha! That’s a funny video! And you’re right. You’re likely already guilty in the court of public opinion, if you will. Fuck it. Let ’em eat cake. It’ll blow over once the next faux drama is self-created. 😃😃
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Great. Now I want cake.
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Does sound good, doesn’t it? Hmmm. 😃
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Hell yeah! LET ME EAT CAKE. 😛
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True. And they can continue to fuck off. 😃
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🤘🏻
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This was a rush from start to finish. Pinball, not peen-ball. It’s sad when people’s lives are so boring they will take such giant leaps to start shit.
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PEENBALL! Ohmygosh that’s perfect! 😂
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Having often been accused of homewrecking, you have my sympathy.
We do have barcades, I do not go. I used to play pinball a lot in high school, mostly with my bestie, and I hugged her all the time… prolly when I became the whore I am.
Gateway to whoredom, right there.
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Gateway to whoredom! Must be!
Bleh…I’m sorry that you CAN relate, but I thank you for sharing that with me. 🙂
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This song always makes me want to fight. LMAO.
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Haha yes!
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1] Lafayette, LA has its first barcade (yes, that’s what I’ve always heard them called) a few years back, but it didn’t last long. 😦 and where I’m at now in the Twin Cities, they have a HUGE one with so many cabinet the my jaw hit the floor when I first walked in. they often have tournys too.
2] okaaaaay. that sounds like a handful of people have their panties in a bunch. smh. it’s insane how out of proportion or just completely incorrect something can be misconstrued by ignorant, nosy folk. ugh. sorry that’s happening. but I like your attitude about it. keep it up! 😀
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You’re awesome – thank you! And yeah, people have flipped their lids. But based on the drama at my former place of employment, I’m not too surprised. Just shaking my head and feeling a little sorry for them, actually.
And I had no idea Lafayette had one! Good thing I didn’t – I’d have been making some little road trips every damn weekend! 😀
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People are just nuts. The drama llama is having an obesity crisis, caused by social media. DO NOT FEED THE DRAMA LLAMA. she’s never full, and she bites.
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HAHAHA! I love that analogy. That’s great! I definitely didn’t feed that greedy fucker. I straight up ignored any attempts to pry – because no matter what the truth is, they’re gonna adhere to whatever is more entertaining for them. Let their worlds burn…I’ll stay over here in my own. 🙂
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Sometimes I like making up random crap just to throw them off the trail. heh.
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I missed you! Autocorrect almost made me write “I KISSED you”. How awesome would that have been on fb?
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HA! That would have been pretty epic. I’ve missed you, too. And I owe you an apology for vanishing… I’m sorry. Seriously.
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Omg. Suit up! (That was suppose to say “shut up!” but autocorrect again, so I went with it this time. Lol.
Girl, take space and vanish whenever and for however long you need! Always. You’re the best and I’m dying to hear more about your life. ❤️
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You’re impossibly forgiving. Thank you. 😧💜
I changed my number recently. I know I still have you in contacts, though, so I’ll message you soon. 🤗
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