I’ve decided to stage a boycott of all major fast food restaurants. Or at least the ones that serve kids’ meals with those cheap little toys.
“Oh, Stephanie,” you exclaim with watering eyes and upturned brows, hands clasped to your chest. “You’ve finally turned your back on the mystery meat that is McDonald’s “chicken” nuggets. No longer will your lips taste the greasy goodness of the pink mystery sludge patted into burger shaped rounds.” Your breast will swell with pride as you fiercely hug me to you.
Oh how wrong you are, sweet naive friends. How wrong you are. I’m talking about the things that matter most!
You see, I’ve finally had enough of the rampant discrimination perpetrated by the like of McDonald’s and Burger King. No more will I sit in silence, tacitly agreeing to their shameless exclusion of 67.314% of the population.
I want, nay, demand toys for adults in our meals. Why should children be the only ones to experience the utter delight of ripping open a tiny plastic package to reveal the colorful minitreasure inside, so lovingly crafted by outsourced child labor in third world countries?
Adults of the world, unite! Boycott these purveyors of sub-par grub until they acquiesce to our demands!
We should open the grease-stained sacks of our number three combos and find our own little treasures. Treasures like:
~ A mini bottle of Sutter Home wine.
~ A packet of Excedrin Migraine.
~ A sticky note pad and Sharpie so you can leave Passive Aggressive Notes on windshields of no-parking sonsofbitches.
~ A bottle of nail polish.
~ A tube of hemorrhoid cream.
~ A muzzle for that one pesky coworker (or kid) that just won’t shut the fuck up.
Imagine the possibilities! I know you’re with me on this! Stand up, raise your fists into the air and tell those motherfuckers we deserve toys, too!
Well said ………. I have only eaten a mcdonalds (whatever it was) once in my life. A few ice creams though, but I rather drive by than drive through.
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What’s for lunch today?? The food that has been served here at work is so boring……. cant wait to have some time off and some good food
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Lunch yesterday, my Saturday, was. Uhm. I’m wondering whether I actually ate lunch yesterday. 😐 But today I’ll have barbecue pork loin and boudin. More like a late lunch/early dinner…that’s one I’m looking forward to. I hope you get some good food soon!
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I love your post…..this has left me smiling….kat
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Thank you! 🙂
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Stephellaneous I didn’t think anything could make me laugh today but you did. In my happy meal, I would have a growler of Alaskan Amber, torilla chips with mango salsa, also Excedrin, maybe some Pepcid AC, a copy of Yes Please by Amy Poehler and some candy cigarettes.
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Ohmygod I want your happy meal. Except tequila instead of that Amber thingy. And yay!!!! Making someone laugh is the highest compliment. Thank you so so much!
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Just a fucking mini bottle? I want a handle dammit!
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Ahaha! Well shit, I was trying to come up with “toy sized” stuff. To hell with it, let’s go for a fifth!
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A fifth isn’t enough, lol. We can split the handle that’s more than a fifth each. 🙂
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Then teach me how to drink, drunksensei!
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A handle is 59.2 oz. Shaken, stirred, up, neat or dirty. lol
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I don’t know what any of that means. I read, “I’m offering you a shitton of liquor. You want?” And to that I say, “Yes, please and thank you. Let’s do this!” At least until I start tyoping lyk thies. Then I’ve probably (definitely) had too much. 😉
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OK sippee cup to start with a twisted straw?
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Ohhhhhh hahaha, you’re a smartass! I approve!
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I can be in comments, I do have some younguns reading my posts
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I’m normally pretty bad myself. However I watch my 8 year old autistic niece and nephews and I can’t have them saying Fuck it mom I don’t want anymore fucking pizza I want Ice Cream dammit
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Aw why not?! Kidding (mostly). As a general rule, I don’t curse in front of kids (say…younger than 12). And I usually reserve the best ones like “fuck” and “bitchwhore” for the Internet. See, y’all are special to me. 😉
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I made the mistake a couple of years back watching a few Kevin Smith movies and my nephew said to my sister that he “loves” the cock. I was fucked
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AHAHAHAHAHAHA!!! That’s the story of the day! I thought I taught my nephew bad shit…you win! You win!
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For 2 years everytime I came by he said it
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YES!!!!!! I’m dying over here!
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My sister and her husband are getting a divorce. The other day, she got this on her own, she said she was gonna punch him in the balls when she sees him. i almost fell off the couch
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Yea that’s a bit harsh. I did curse out my teachers in 5th grade. I also egged them in the classroom
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Okay, you’re bad. Heh. My “badness” is mostly in my head. I will say, though, that when I’ve been insulted by kids – I usually tell them to try harder. They have to be smart for a dig to land. Strangely, when I encourage them to try harder, they stop. 😉
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I have coached for years too so i do have to walk a fine line
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Depends on where you live… I liked coaching even when I had a team of 100 plus..
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I know what you mean. I went to U of H
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I do some of the boring stuff during the day. Too much fluctuation between clients and parties. having a day job where i do a bunch of stuff keeps me busy.
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I’m definitely not a partier. Wait, do books and hard cider count? Shit, I didn’t think so.
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Well I meant between work. I do private and corporate parties when they come up and clients around that and my boring day stuff. I tend not to use the word party as a verb. If I drink I drink I don’t go wild. Lol
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I’m with you on that! 🙂
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So besides wine and tequila what do you drink and what is your boring job?
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I mostly drink water and juice, really. I mean, I have alcohol in my fridge…but it tends to sit there for a while. Work..how to describe without blasting my place of employment to the whole WW? Hm. I’m in marketing and database marketing. Woo. 🙂
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Oddly enough that is about the same thing that I do. I work for a neanderthal that is too much to describe briefly. I made his business, legal, legit, up to code, do marketing, website design, media and then he gets crazy on me and others
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You would think that business would weed the batshit crazy out, but it seems to breed them!
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Well this is a small business where the man child owner is an addict, thinks he is the only one that can do anything right, has temper tantrums and says don’t other me with whhatever he chooses then you get attacked for doing so. I always tape everything and turn it on him. He is also a juice head and knows despite weighing 65 pounds less I am stronger than him.He’s gonna get a beating one day soon 🙂
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This sounds dangerous!
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Yea it is. I quit on him multiple times and he begs me back with more money. Unfortunately he can’t pay me what he should as he is fighting over dumb things and its killing the bottom line.
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Sounds like you can do better. Maybe bide your time and polish up that LinkedIn profile!
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I am doing that already. I went from not using linkedin to having 2800 connections and a couple of job offers. I am going to keep at it.
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Okay, ignore me because my LinkedIn game is shit. Complete and utter shite.
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Theres a game on linkedin?
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…I hope that was sarcasm. You’re messing with me! You know, “my game.” As in “girl got game”…
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ugh everything is coming up backwards
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had you looked at it
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Haha no! I’ve never seen it. That’s not what I meant!
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what did u mean?
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It was a shitty little advice nugget. That you don’t need if your LinkedIn is that en pointe!
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IDK what happened I couldn’t respond. I got a no input error. I asked if you have seen my linkedin as I am probably one of the few ppl that has pretty much everything linked back and forth. lol
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I haven’t seen it. I’m kinda shit at networking. I don’t think it comes naturally to introverts. 🙂
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I have to figure shit out as what works for someone else doesn’t for me but that was odd. I was clicking the bell to get noifications and then poof something happened
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Technology is finicky sometimes!
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Yes and the themes have different options and different per device. However, I am plotting finishing a fifth and nodding 😉
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Ha! I’m going to bed..goodnight! Thanks for the nice chat! 🙂
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You’re welcome. I am going to bed too
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Im a bad personal trainer. Sometimes I forget whether i’m bartending or training someone. Sometimes I have to train someone to workout while drinking for vacays…
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You could just train them to drink. Don’t you need your biceps for that? I mean, unless we just skip the glass and dump it in a trough.
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Then I make them do push ups into the trough
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One way or another they are mad the next day either sore or a headache
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Sounds like both, if they’re doing push-ups into a tequila trough (it’s totally tequila).
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A tequila trough, I did that with an ex before a cruise. she still was a light weight when we went away
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